Intertwined
by shadowy dreamer
Summary: Sakura and Syaoran detest each other. Their boss, tired by their antics, enlists in the help of two magicians. In the blink of an eye, Sakura and Syaoran switch bodies. The only way to switch back is to learn to love each other...
1. Act I

**Intertwined**

**Disclaimer: lalalaalalaa...I still don't own CCS! **

Hiiii! I'm back with another fic. My brother gave me this idea after reading a lot of HP switched bodies fics. You guys obviously know what's in store for this...hehe I'll try to make this as funny as possible.

_Summary: In which Sakura and Syaoran's boss, tired of their constant quarreling and complaints, enlists in the the help of two magicians, who promptly make the two switch bodies. The only way for them to switch back is to learn to love each other...that's not too much to ask for, is it? _

**Act I **

Intro

" And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the story of two difficult people," Yue said solemnly as he read from the script Eriol had handed to him a minute ago. " Sakura and Syaoran worked together in the same building," he continued in the same monotonous voice he had used for the previous sentence, " They absolutely detested each other, from the--"

He was abruptly cut off as Eriol shoved him to the side. Now Eriol was in the spotlight, and he was thoroughly enjoying it, might I add.

" Dudes, this is not like, a tragedy, ya know?" Eriol said smoothly as he adjusted his navy blue toupee. He cleared his throat, smiled charmingly, winked, and proceeded. " Okay, lemme break it down. Saku and lil Syaoran worked in the same boring office, ya know? But, like that dude said," here he broke off and jerked his thumb in Yue's direction, " they like, totally hated each other. Like, for example, Saku hated Syaoran's hair. And like, Syaoran hated Saku's brains."

Offstage, Yue cleared his throat. " You're not following the script, young one."

Eriol rolled his eyes in Yue's direction. " Dude, like you gotta stop taking this too seriously. I mean, you gotta improvise. Otherwise life's never gonna be fun."

Yue put up his hand. " Want me to curse you so that more of your hair falls out? I could do an improvement on that job I did yesterday," he said through gritted teeth.

Eriol put up his hands to his hair. " Noooo! Please, save me some of my beautiful hair! I'm already wearing a toupee for crying out loud, you want to make me lose enough hair so that I'll have to wear a wig?"

" Then get on with the narrative," Yue said through still clenched teeth, " and follow the script this time!"

" All right, all right already," grumbled Eriol. " So anyway, you're about to read the story 'Intertwined', written by shadowy dreamer."

_offstage_

" Dude, why is it called 'Intertwined' anyway?" Eriol asked Yue.

Yue shrugged diffidently. " I don't know, ask dreamer. She's the crazy one who made up the title."

" Right. That's what I'll go do," said Eriol. He sashayed towards the exit, wiggling his hips like crazy.

" By the way," said Yue as Eriol was making his dramatic exit, " nice outfit."

Eriol looked down. " Oh yeah, thanks dude."

He was wearing a long, frilly pink dress which reached all the way to his ankle. In addition to that, he was wearing a tight denim miniskirt. Worst of all...

" Nice bra," commented Yue casually.

Eriol grinned sheepishly. " Eh...hehehe, erm...like the lace?"

Yue made an attempt at smiling. Unfortunately, his face wasn't built for smiling, so his expression was distorted into a sort of sneer. " Actually, I prefer sheer fabric. Come on, darling, there's a few things I would like to talk to you about, concerning the dress code."

Eriol gulped as Yue put a long arm around his shoulder and steered him towards the exit of the building. " How can you talk about the dress code? You're not even wearing a dress!"

Yue did not even bother to smile at his weak excuse of a joke.

End of Intro

_onstage_

Syaoran surveyed Sakura carefully from his window. She was running down the street, a harried expression on her face as the long ends of her thick green scarf streamed out from behind her. He grinned. _Late as usual, Kinomoto. _Then he turned back to his computer, his fingers quivering with anticipation as he wondered how she would react to his latest prank.

Sakura scurried into the building five minutes late. She panted and tried to catch her breath in the lobby.

" Ah, Miss Kinomoto!" said Mr. Matsuura as he spotted her, " you're just the person I was looking for." He strode over to where she stood, bent double and still panting.

Sakura didn't hear him as she was currently wearing a set of headphones. She did, however, see his black leather shoes in front of her face.

" Wow," she remarked as she examined her reflection, using his shiny shoes as a mirror, " My hair is certainly quite messy. Hm, I'll have to go to the ladies room before I go anywhere else today. Li is sure to tease me about my disheveled appearance if I don't comb my hair..." here she broke off her soliloquy to spare a few moments for cursing Syaoran Li under her breath.

" That bastard, that slime covered eel--" she cursed as her face grew steadily redder and redder with anger at the mere thought of him, "--that stupid banana brain, that giant idiotic shithead--"

Mr. Matsuura smiled to himself and took out his lunch. _This is going to take a long time_.

" That insensitive biotch, that crazy lunatic--" Sakura plowed on, oblivious to Mr. Matsuura's presence, "--that deranged cuckoo, that--"

Mr. Matsuura finished eating his glazed donut and checked his watch, raising his eyebrows with surprise and pleasure. _She's been insulting him for more than five minutes! This is going down in the record books. _

" That brainless git--" Sakura fumed on, still happily oblivious.

Mr. Matsuura decided he had enough. He reached down and plucked Sakura's headphones out of her ears. " I thought you said that he was a 'stupid banana brain', Kinomoto-san. How can he be a 'brainless git' at the same time?"

Sakura froze. Her eyes traveled from Mr. Matsuura's black leather shoes to his amused and twinkling eyes.

" Matsuura-san! I'm so sorry about that," Sakura said, straightening up. Her face was a deep crimson.

Mr. Matsuura laughed lightly. " That's quite all right, Kinomoto-san."

Sakura rubbed her head and sweatdropped. " Hehehe...erm...is there a reason why you're here?"

Mr. Matsuura nodded, glad that they were finally getting down to business. " Yes, Takuchi-san wanted me to give you some files."

He dropped a heavy stack of papers into Sakura's already loaded hands.

" Well, that should be all," said Mr. Matsuura as he walked off towards the elevator. " Coming, Kinomoto-san?"

Sakura nodded weakly as she took a few tentative steps towards the elevator.

" Ahh, excuse me. I forgot, those files are sure to be very heavy, especially since there are so many of them!" Mr. Matsuura exclaimed as he walked back to Sakura and tugged a few files out of her hands. " This ought to lighten the load." He smiled congenially.

The two of them were safely in the elevator before Sakura thought it safe to venture timidly, " Erm...Matsuura-san, I was wondering if you...uh...heard all the things I said about Li-san?"

" Oh, so now it's Li-san? Not 'that deranged cuckoo' anymore?" said Mr. Matsuura teasingly. Then, spotting the mortified look on Sakura's face, he laughed and said, " Yes, I heard most of the insults. But don't worry, Kinomoto-san, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else, and especially not Li-san."

Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. " You won't tell Takuchi-san either, right?"

Mr. Matsuura grinned. " Why yes, I'll tell him."

Sakura's eyes grew wide. She groveled on the floor of the elevator, prepared to beg.

Just then, the elevator door opened on the eleventh floor. People were chatting and laughing, and they were about to enter the elevator when they spotted Sakura kneeling on the floor, surrounded by files, and Mr. Matsuura's grinning face.

There were giggles when Sakura looked from Mr. Matsuura to the people entering the elevator. " No, it's not what you guys think!" she said desperately as she grabbed her files and stood up hastily.

" Aww...was Sakura about to propose to Matsuura-san?" Meiling, Sakura's friend, fought her way through the crowd of people to stand next to her.

The people giggled even louder in the elevator. Mr. Matsuura merely laughed and smiled at Meiling. " Of course not, don't be ridiculous. And Kinomoto-san, I was just joking when I said I would tell Takuchi-san."

Meiling's eyes had a conspiratorial glint as she asked, " Tell what?"

* * *

Sakura, Meiling, and Mr. Matsuura entered Sakura's office. Meiling was giggling uncontrollably while Matsuura had a smile on his face. They set down all of the files on Sakura's very cluttered desk.

" It's really not that funny," Sakura groused as she turned on the heater. " Brr...it's so cold in here!"

Matsuura shook his head while Meiling continued to giggle, " And then Matsuura-san took out your headphones and you finally noticed he was there!"

Mr. Matsuura shook his head one last time and walked out of the office. " Well, good day, Kinomoto-san, Li-san." The two women nodded back at him.

After Sakura had evicted Meiling from her office by threatening to expose several of Meiling's deep, dark secrets to the world, she finally sat down at her desk and removed her coat.

She pulled the stack of files to her and opened the first one. Then she picked up a pen and absentmindedly squeezed it.

A gush of water hit her in the eye.

* * *

Syaoran tapped his foot impatiently as he spelled his own name wrong for the second time that day. _Dammit, why isn't she reacting to my prank yet? _Granted, it had only been fifteen minutes since he had seen her running down the street, but she was usually so quick to find wrong with him...he wondered if this sudden sluggishness was due to the fact that she was coming down with a cold, and panicked. _What will I do when my only source of entertainment has to stay home for a few days? It'll be so boring without her screaming insults into my face! _Syaoran thought mournfully as a funeral march played in his head.

" SYAORAN LI!"

The said Syaoran Li smiled as he felt happy and energized once more.

Sakura stormed into the office, her face red and her hair wilder than ever.

" LI!" she bellowed as she stomped towards his desk, " WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING, EH! TRYING TO MAKE ME CATCH A COLD, HUH? ADMIT TO IT, YOU TWIT!"

Syaoran pushed his chair back as she clambered onto his desk, bringing her livid face closer to his own.

" Cool it, Kinomoto. I have no idea what you're talking about," Syaoran said calmly. He attempted to banish the look of extreme fright that was about to creep stealthily onto his face.

Sakura must have noticed the frightened look that was dawning in his eyes. " Feeling scared, eh?" she lowered her voice to a deadly whisper. " You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Replacing the ink in my pen with water was ingenious, but you didn't think I would find out, did you?"

Syaoran gulped. " Erm...not really..." How was he to know that she would be so ticked off by a harmless gush of water hitting her in the eye? He thought it would be a laugh for him...well, now that he stopped to think about it, this was really quite funny. Her face was redder than a tomato, and her hair was frizzy and sticking out in all directions. Her eyes were bugging out while her teeth were bared. Really, had she not been advancing on him with her hands outstretched in a death grip, it would have been quite entertaining and amusing.

"Do you have anything to say before you're about to die?" Sakura smiled eerily as she exposed all of her teeth.

Syaoran felt a bead of sweat slide inobtrusively (he hoped) down his temple. Suddenly, in one stroke, inspiration came to him. " Yes..." he said slowly, wondering if this was about to work, " tickle attack!"

Sakura was caught completely off guard as she was pinned down to Syaoran's desk. He was tickling her stomach, and she was now laughing helplessly.

" HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Li-Li-stop it!" Sakura shrieked.

" I vill teeckle you unteel your eensides vall out!" said Syaoran, attempting to speak with an European accent. (Needless to say, it was really bad.)

The door burst open. " What on earth is going on in here?" Mr. Takuchi, their boss, stood at the door.

Syaoran froze completely. Sakura stopped laughing when Syaoran stopped tickling. " What? What, Li? Why are you stopping?"

Takuchi-san stood at the door, his blood pressure rising.

Let us take the unbiased view of an outsider. Sakura is currently sprawled on Syaoran's desk, and Syaoran's hands are placed on a very interesting part of her body. Of course, you readers may say, " His hands are on her stomach! What's wrong with that?" But alas, remember that Takuchi is biased. He can't see that Syaoran's hands are really on her stomach. He's currently very angry, and angry people see a distorted version of the truth. What he saw was that Syaoran's hands were on Sakura's...chest.

Being angry really changes things, right? Of course.

Sakura had finally got wind of the situation. Syaoran immediately removed his hands from her stomach. Did I say that he felt scared before? Well, if so, that was nothing compared to his feelings of fright now.

Takuchi-san advanced on his two hapless employees. He cracked his knuckles threateningly.

" I-you-" stuttered Syaoran incoherently.

" We-we-we" Sakura stammered.

"You two." Takuchi composed himself enough to say. " You're coming down--to my office."

* * *

"Explain yourselves," said Takuchi, his eyes ominously dark and stormy.

Sakura and Syaoran looked at each other, uncertain of where to start.

"All right then. I defer to women. (A/N: Something my English teacher is fond of saying. Credits go to him.) Ladies first," said Takuchi.

Sakura opened her mouth to explain, but Takuchi cut her off. " No, I meant the other lady," he said stonily.

Syaoran looked around. Who was he talking to? Then comprehension dawned on him. _That's not fair..._" Oh, hehe, Takuchi-san, you mean me..."

Although this situation was dire, Sakura tried to suppress a laugh. _I might as well laugh since Takuchi looks like he's going to kill me..._

" I wouldn't laugh if I were you, Kinomoto-san. After all, for all I know, you may as well be a man in disguise," said Takuchi, grimacing at the thought.

Now it was Syaoran's turn to snicker as Sakura blushed. They both recalled that Takuchi had a bad habit of insulting them in the worst way possible--that is to say, questioning their gender.

Syaoran began nervously, " Well, you see, erm...I filled Kinomoto-san's pen with water, so that when she squeezed it, a gush of water would hit her, preferably in the face. And well, she got angry at me. She stormed into my office and starting threatening to rid me of my genitals, which I take great pride in--" here he was cut off by an angry growl on Sakura's part and an amused cough from Takuchi.

" I most certainly did not! Takuchi-san, he doesn't even have genitals to begin with!" cried a very flustered Sakura.

" Oh, and how do you know this, Kinomoto-san?" questioned an even more amused Takuchi. Now that his initial anger had worn off, he was quite disposed to toy with them for a while. At least it was more entertaining than the stock market quotes flung at him all day.

Sakura reddened again, and Syaoran coughed. He continued, " And then...well, I wasn't thinking, so I started to tickle her. She was laughing, and that's when you came in."

Takuchi raised an eyebrow. " Tickling? Well, yes, in a way. But weren't your hands on Kinomoto-san's chest?"

The cat was out of the bag; Sakura and Syaoran both knew what was making Takuchi more infuriated than usual.

" Oh!" they both exclaimed at once, " You thought that we were taking time out of our schedules to have a sex session!"

Takuchi coughed again, his face red.

" Oh, erm..." Syaoran cast a warning look at Sakura, " Takuchi-san, I swear on my grandmother's grave that I wasn't doing anything inappropriate to Kinomoto-san. I was just tickling her, innocently. Please, believe me!"

Sakura chimed, " Takuchi-san, please believe him. He wasn't doing anything...er...wrong with me. It was innocent!"

Takuchi looked from one desperate, pleading face to the other even more desperate, pleading face. He gave in. " Oh, all right, I know you didn't do anything wrong!" He sighed, exasperated as his two relieved employees got down on the floor and groveled before him.

" Oh thank you, great Takuchi-san, for believing us!" Syaoran and Sakura said simultaneously.

Takuchi pressed a hand to his temple and sighed. " You are dismissed," he muttered. " And if I get so much as a yell from one of your rooms, you two will really be in for it!" he yelled after their retreating backs.

The door closed behind them. Takuchi got up and went to his medicine cabinet. He took out a bottle of aspirin and poured a glass of water. Then he downed the pill and water in a gulp. Wiping his mustache, he sighed and banged his head on his desk.

" Those two are a pain in the ass," he muttered, " but they're too valuable to be fired!"

* * *

Syaoran smirked at Sakura, who pretended not to notice him.

The elevator stopped on the tenth floor and the third occupant left. No one got in, and so when the door closed, Sakura thought it safe to start yelling at Syaoran.

" You absolute baboon! It was all your fault!" Sakura yelled.

"Well, you looked like you were enjoying the tickling session. Don't put all the blame on me!" Syaoran snapped back.

" You started it by pranking me!" Sakura shouted.

" No, you started it by tripping me on my first day here!" said Syaoran, eyes narrowed as he recalled the humiliation of his first day.

Sakura sighed, exasperated. " Well, you retaliated! Besides, how many times do I have to tell you that it was an accident!"

Syaoran could only say, " Oh yeah?"

Sakura screamed back, " YEAH!"

The two of them leaned strode to opposite sides of the elevator, fuming. Each refused to look at the other. Instead, they contented themselves with staring up at the ceiling.

The elevator opened, and the two of them found themselves on the twentieth floor.

" Hmph!" Sakura stalked off to her office, her nose in the air.

Syaoran sent one last smirk at her before retreating into his office.

Takuchi walked the streets of Tokyo during his lunch break, muttering to himself. " How am I supposed to make them get along? They've been pranking each other since Li started working here at my office..."

He stopped at a busy intersection and stared vaguely at the many advertisments plastered to the lamp post.

A hot pink flier caught his eye.

_**Are your employees fighting tooth and nail? Do you need someone to tame them? If so, call 1-800-EMPLOYEEHELP. You'll find twenty-four hour service and two experts especially trained to soothe tensions between your employees. Just give us a call, and we guarantee your worries and headaches will be over within a month! And if not, we will return your money. **_

Underneath that were several strips of paper with the toll free number printed on it.

" Hell," said Takuchi, " I'll welcome anything right now."

He tore a strip of paper off and pocketed it.

Takuchi decided to make the call in the privacy of a noisy restaurant.

" Hello, Employment Soothing Agency," said an annoyingly buoyant voice.

" Hey, uh, I'm looking for some help. My two employees are driving me absolutely nuts," muttered Takuchi.

" Sir! Please speak up. No offense, but your connection sucks," chirped the cheerful person.

Takuchi was about to curse at him, but decided against it. " My employees are driving me nuts!" he practically shouted.

" That's all right, sir! We'll drive away your agitation. Just give us your address and your consternation will be driven away as soon aswe dispatch two trained professionals to handle this seemingly difficult case!" said the voice.

Takuchi muttered his address into the phone, and the voice said, " Right, sir! Expect to see the two trained professionals at 1:00!"

" Thanks," said Takuchi.

" No problem at all, sir. Just doing my duty!" said the person, as debonair and light as ever.

Takuchi felt slightly more cheerful as he helped himself to some of his favorite sushi. _Who knows? They might really be helpful. _

Outro

Eriol stepped onto the stage. " And that, folks, was your first chapter of 'Intertwined'! We really hoped you enjoyed it. Dreamer worked very hard on this, so please review! And of course, you guys will have to say how fantastic I am."

Yue rolled his eyes. " Get off the stage, you dolt! Dreamer wants to say something."

Eriol flippedsome locks of his new lavender wigover his shoulder. " Right, Yue. Come on, let's go!"

End of Outro

_offstage_

Dreamer: Hey! What's up guys? Did you like the chappie? lols, **PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT THIS TO BE CONTINUED. Remember, no reviews, no new chappie! **

But neways, thanks for reading! And big thanks to **FlowerLover, Pinagrryl and Rushi Star. **(btw, thanks for reminding me that authors aren't supposed to reply to reviews!)

This is my first humor fic, so please be nice!

Eriol: Actually, you are more than welcome to flame her.

Dreamer: (wacks Eriol on the head) Yes, I've adopted a new muse.

Yue: Hey, what about me?

Dreamer: Oh no, you're just part of the offstage woodwork.

(Yue stomps off, dragging Eriol behind him.)

Dreamer: Uh...better go check on Eriol.


	2. Act II

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything that has to do with CCS, except for this plotline.

**Act II**

Intro

_onstage_

Eriol stomped sullenly onto the stage. The minute his feet entered the spotlight, however, a gargantuan smile formed effortlessly on his face.

"Well, ladies and gents, it's good to be back! It is I, Eriol, and that bas--" he was abruptly cut off as Yue made a very rude hand gesture at him. Needless to say, it included the use of Yue's long, white middle finger.

Eriol stuck his tongue out immaturely at Yue's insanely obscene behavior. Then he turned his face back to the audience, and a large, artificial grin was plastered to his face.

" It is I, Eriol, and Yue, the long haired fellow who is hiding in the wings, due to a unpredictable and uncontrollable fit of stage fright," said Eriol. His smile was now genuine as he asked, "Now which one of us is the better muse, eh? You guys tell me."

Yue stomped out into the bright light. "You idiot," he hissed, "you're supposed to be announcing the beginning of Act II, not manipulating the limelight to heighten your popularity!" He grabbed Eriol by the scruff of his shirt and threw him backwards. The audience snickered gently as they heard Eriol cry, "Don't manhandle me, you--" and here we return to Yue, for Eriol's language was...obscene, to say the very least.

Yue called loudly, " And now, the second act of Intertwined will commence!" So saying, he hurried off stage as the lights dimmed and the sable curtains began to rise.

End of Intro

------

Syaoran raised one eyebrow. Then he raised the other. Then he raised both of them simultaneously. Then he alternated between raising one, and then the other, in rapid succession.

He grinned at himself in the mirror, reveling in the fact that he was extremely good-looking.

_The ladies can't resist me, _he thought smugly, smoothing his crisp white shirt and his red and gold striped tie.

He continued raising his eyebrows and checking himself out, although not in the fashion of Narcissus. No, Syaoran was merely admiring himself. He did not see himself as a potential boyfriend, and thank god for that.

Let us leave him to his own devices for the present, and now let us travel to the office of one Takuchi-san.

------

Takuchi chewed on his moustache, something he did not normally do. Then he sighed theatrically and looked at his watch. It was 12:58, and the representatives of the Employment Soothing Agency were still not here.

The clock struck 1:00.

Immediately, as though on cue, the door burst open to reveal two tall and rather impressive men.

"Hello, my name is Eriol Hiragizawa," said the shorter of the two. His glasses were perched on the end of his nose, granny-fashion.

"Yue," said the taller man. His demeanor was icy, and his long, silvery white hair fell over his left eye. He fixed Takuchi with an impassive stare.

Takuchi gave Yue a nervous glance before turning to Eriol and saying, " Well...erm...you guys certainly are puncutal."

Eriol smiled. Takuchi was starting to feel jumpy. It was certainly quite unnerving to be alone in a room with a man who smiled constantly, and another man whose stare was unflinching. His eyes flickered quickly to the surveillance cameras installed in his room, and prayed fervently that, should the two men suddenly pull out a pistol and begin to threaten him, the security guards would notice.

Eriol cleared his throat. "You called us here sir, because...?"

Takuchi snapped out of a nightmare where Eriol and Yue had kidnapped him and were feeding him on lumpy oatmeal until.

" Oh!" he exclaimed, feeling abashed. He twiddled his thumbs. "You see, my two employees are like...a cat and a dog! Or, at least they fight like a cat and a dog," he amended when he saw a puzzled look cross Eriol's face. He continued, " I need help soothing tension between the two. Can you help me?"

Eriol grinned and saluted Takuchi. " We're on this case, sir. Just give us the numbers of their rooms and we'll be off!"

"They're in Rooms 2045 and 2046," said Takuchi.

Yue raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow. "They have a tendency to fight, and you put them to work in rooms next to each other?"

Takuchi turned red. "Well--they're supposed to work together--teamwork you know--" he blustered, feeling foolish.

Eriol held up a hand, effectively silencing him. "Say no more. We're on the case."

The two exited the office.

------

"Do you feel what I feel?" Eriol asked Yue. He was looking at Syaoran, who was still preening at himself, oblivious to the fact that he was being spied on.

Yue nodded, not taking his eyes off Sakura, who was eating a banana and drinking Diet Vanilla Coke.

"They're an extra special case," he said tonelessly.

"Too right they are," said Eriol. " They've been rather awkward with each other, haven't they?"

Yue nodded. "Time for us to give them a little push in the right direction."

Five minutes later, Eriol and Yue put the finishing touches on the pentagram. " Now," said Eriol as he drew the last heart with a flourish, "time for them to step in it."

"Let's say the incantation together, for extra potency," said Yue.

Eriol grinned. "That'd be madd cool, yo."

Yue rolled his eyes. " Get into position."

Eriol placed himself in front of Syaoran's door and Yue stood in front of Sakura's door. Then, they both rapped loudly on their doors and darted away swiftly into the shadows.

Sakura sighed with annoyance. She was in the middle of lunch, for crying out loud! She stood and walked to the door, mumbling choice words under her breath. On the other side of the hallway, Syaoran was doing the same.

They reached their doors and opened them at the same time.

Sakura froze as she found herself staring into the eyes of the person she despised most. " You!" she hissed venomously. She stepped out into the hallway, and Syaoran did the same. Neither of them noticed that they were stepping into the confines of the pentagram Eriol and Yue had just drawn on the floor.

Eriol sniggered as he watched, fascinated by their argument. _They're so painfully clueless,_ he thought, chuckling evilly.

Yue whispered, " Come on, say the incantation while they're still in the pentagram."

Eriol nodded and the two began to chant, "Be blissfully blind no more, open your eyes to new horror, what was once the other's shall be yours, never argue evermore."

Eriol felt a knot in his chest. The knot blossomed to a knob, and the knob blossomed to a constriction. He grimaced, feeling pain. "What did we do wrong?" he asked Yue. This happened whenever they cast a spell wrongly.

Yue's mouth twisted. "We didn't say how they're supposed to switch back," he muttered.

Eriol sighed. He and Yue said, " Let your lives be intertwined, love's betwitching spell is divine."

There was a flash of light. The pentagram glowed a fiery orange and the pattern wrapped itself over Sakura and Syaoran's bodies, knitting their limbs to their sides. Their eyes were closed, and they rose a few inches off the ground while the light illuminated the corridor. Then it was over, as quickly as it had begun. Neon orange sparks danced around their still bodies. The pentagram was gone, as was the constricting sensation in Eriol and Yue's chests.

The two magicians hurried back towards the stairs, being careful to be quiet. Yue shut the door after he and Eriol both had stepped into the stairwell.

Eriol grinned. "That was our best spell yet. They were even lifted off the ground," he said.

Yue shrugged dismissively. "We improve each time."

------

"So...you're sure about this?" said Takuchi. He scratched his head.

Eriol and Yue nodded together, something you don't see happening too often.

" All right...let me get this straight," said Takuchi, rubbing his forehead. "You had a little chat with them, correct? And you expect them to get along with each other so quickly?"

" Listen, pal," said Eriol, feeling impatient, " we've done our job. So now it's time for you to hand over the money. Your employees will learn to get along, okay? It's guaranteed."

Takuchi gave them both skeptical looks. " All right, five hundred dollars. But what if I don't see results?"

Yue spoke for the second time. "Satisfaction is guaranteed. If, by the end of the month, they are still fighting, you will get your money back. Upon our words. Just give us a call."

Takuchi eyed Eriol, then Yue. He sighed and gave in. "Fine, fine. Here, take your five hundred dollars," he said, handing the money over grudgingly.

Eriol grinned and pocketed the stash of money. " You won't be disappointed, sir." He winked cheekily and waved a good bye. Yue dipped his head slightly to Takuchi. The two men then turned their backs on Takuchi and walked out of the office.

The look on Takuchi's face was comical. "I believe I've just been conned," he sighed, and then went to the cabinet for more aspirin.

Yue winced as the sunlight hit him directly in the eye. " They won't feel the effects until 12:00 am sharp, right?" asked Eriol by his side.

Yue grunted noncommitally. "That was a pretty strong spell we bound them with. It may take a while."

Eriol dug his elbow into Yue's side. "Knock off the long face, darling," he drawled lazily. "We've got 500 bucks, and the day is still young. I challenge you to a drinking contest."

Yue smiled. Albeit a mocking smile, it was still a great accomplishment for the stoical faced Yue. " You're on."

------

Sakura stalked into her apartment, feeling slightly groggy. Her mind was a blur of colorful visions. She had been eating lunch...Li...waking up on the floor...confused and disoriented...

"Hey," said Tomoyo as Sakura blundered into the kitchen.

Sakura didn't respond to her roommate's greeting. She picked up a thermos from the counter and poured a cup of coffee for herself. She gulped it down hungrily and poured herself another cup.

Tomoyo seemed amused by her friend's abnormal behavior. " What's gotten into you?" she asked.

Sakura shrugged. She continued to quaff coffee in increasingly large gulps.

Tomoyo raised a sympathetic eyebrow. "That time of the month again?"

Sakura shook her head. She walked out of the kitchen and stomped into her bedroom, her hands still glued to the sides of the thermos.

Tomoyo rolled her eyes. So typical of her cousin. Her caffeine addiction was more of a liability than anything else, Tomoyo mused.

Sakura spent the remainder of the evening in her room, taking sips of coffee every two minutes. She was quiet and reserved, which was usually the opposite of her. Her eyes were glued to a corner of the room, watching the solitary spider spin its web.

Two hours passed. Sakura could hear Tomoyo in the bathroom, perhaps brushing her teeth.

Fifteen minutes later, the door opened.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" Tomoyo asked, feeling concerned.

Sakura jerked her head erratically, then took a long drink of coffee.

Tomoyo pursed her lips. "That Li man bothering you again?"

Sakura's pulse rate quickened at Tomoyo's mention of him. "Bastard..."

Tomoyo nodded understandingly. "Was his behavior so heinous today that it shouldn't be spoken of?"

Sakura shrugged.

Tomoyo was getting irritated, but thought best to leave her cousin to her own devices. After all, Sakura did not take kindly to Tomoyo's gentle questioning. Prying, she called it, and prying was one thing Sakura Kinomoto could not stand.

Tomoyo sighed and backed out of the room, shutting the door gently.

------

Syaoran smiled grimly and finished his fourth bottle of wine. He had spent the entire evening drinking instead of doing paperwork. This was an anomaly for Syaoran, who followed his schedule as he would the Ten Commandments.

Syaoran forced his tongue roughly through the opening of the bottle and swiped at the wine clinging to the sides. And thus Syaoran created a new game. He was determined to get at the wine still in the bottle, using the most inefficient means possible--his tongue. He wasted away the rest of the night, wrestling with the bottle and cursing bloody murder. At one point, he began to belt out a loud and rude song. He made up a wildly creative and imaginative dance to go along with it, waving his hands in the air and jumping up and down on the couch. Just as he decided to rip off his tie and use it for untypeable purposes, he was too enthusiastic with a jump. He stumbled off the sofa and crashed his head onto the coffee table.

Syaoran was out cold.

------

**A/N: They've switched bodies! From now on, when I refer to Syaoran, I mean Syaoran in Sakura's body. Same for Sakura too. :) **

Sakura opened her eyes.

She sat up and yawned. She felt as if her head had been pounded repeatedly by a troll. Her eyes were sluggish with sleep, and her clothes were sweaty and stained.

Then she froze when she saw the bottles of wine lying on the couch. Couch? Why was it a forest green color? She distinctly remembered her couch having a burgundy color.

And where was the TV? The last time she checked, it was right in front of the couch.

Sakura got up. The first thing she noticed was that everything seemed...oddly, it seemed as if she had grown taller overnight. Where was Tomoyo? Usually, she was in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

" Tomoyo?" she called out. Then she immediately clapped a hand over her mouth. Her voice was deep and...God forbid...her head felt lighter than usual. Where was the comforting weight of her auburn, shoulder-length tresses? Her hands traveled up to her ears...and then to her head.

She stifled the scream halfway. It was an oddly masculine scream.

"Oh my God..." her voice rumbled.

Sakura ran down the hall towards the bathroom. "Huh?" she tilted her head in confusion when she burst into her bedroom.

Yet it was not her bedroom...it was too neat...and there were no pictures of her family...

Sakura ran pell-mell down the hall. She ran into the living room and looked around wildly. Where was the bathroom? She took the hallway down to the left and tried a door.

She found herself in the bathroom. _Finally, _she thought.

She ran towards the mirror and looked into it.

What she saw made her scream with terror and shock. Her scream was too throaty and deep, but now she knew why.

------

"Sakura! Get up!" someone shouted.

Syaoran groaned and rubbed his eyes. Strange, he mused, since when did he have long eyelashes?

His eyes focused.

Syaoran's jaw dropped.

A violet-eyed goddess was standing in front of him, wearing nothing but a towel. Her skin was a milky white and her eyes were a sparkling violet. Her hair flowed, wild and untamed, over her shoulders. Syaoran gulped. Did they sleep together last night? If they had...well, Syaoran deeply regretted that he could not recall a moment of it.

Tomoyo chuckled. She mistook Syaoran's look of poorly disguised admiration for dumbfounded sleepiness.

" Come on, silly. It's time for your job. Get your lazy ass in the shower. The way you were last night...whoo! That wasn't too good," Tomoyo commented, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

Syaoran immediately felt ashamed of himself. " I wasn't good last night?" Did he disappoint her? Maybe they could do it again, he mused. _This time, I'll be really good, _he thought determinedly. _I'll try things I've never done with any of my previous partners. I'll perform so well she'll be begging me to do it again. _

A furrow appeared between Tomoyo's forehead. " You weren't well, Sakura. You were drinking black coffee straight from the thermos. I thought you hated that stuff."

Syaoran rubbed his head. Hazy details of the previous night returned to him. The last thing he remembered was ripping off his tie...wait a moment. Did she just call him Sakura? Oh well...perhaps he had heard wrong.

He stood up and stretched. Then he walked over to Tomoyo and smirked, his eyes dancing. "You're very lovely, my dear. We'll try again tonight...I want to use some whipped cream." He paused for thought. " We'll throw in some strawberries too, if that's okay with you." Ignoring the puzzled look on Tomoyo's face, he walked out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom.

_Wait, _he thought as he walked in_, this is weird...why are there so many feminine products? Oh well...she must have put them here. That's fine with me...but why does the bathroom still look so different? Hmm...probably the effects of a hangover. _

He looked into the mirror.

------

Tomoyo was wondering why Sakura was suddenly...hitting on her when she heard a bloodcurdling scream coming from the bathroom.

Tomoyo burst into the bathroom to find Syaoran keeled over on the floor, banging his head on the tiles.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod--" Syaoran babbled as he wacked himself repeatedly on the floor. Then he shrieked again. " Even my voice is high! Why didn't I notice that before? I'm so thick!"

Tomoyo rushed over to him and put a placating hand on his shoulder. "Sakura, calm down. I know you're hyper after the caffeine incident, but you've got to shower and get to work. Now come on, stop it!"

Syaoran looked up at her. She was still in a towel...He gulped and looked away, not wanting to yield to temptation. "I can't believe I'm Kinomoto..." he muttered. Then he put his hands to his face and did some serious thinking.

Tomoyo shook her head. _Mental note to self: No more caffeine for Sakura. Ever. Ever. Ever. _

While Tomoyo was still immersed in her "evers", Syaoran had finished his mental thinking. He stood up with a determined glint in his eyes. No, he would not peek at Kinomoto's body. He would be moral, for once in his relatively short life. And besides, it'd be kind of weird for this girl--whoever she was--to start thinking that Kinomoto was a lesbian. But first things first...

"Listen, I gotta go," he said, pushing past Tomoyo gently. _Baby you're so hot. But I can't have you...not now at least. _

"Wait! Where are you going? You've got to get dressed and have breakfast!" Tomoyo called to him as he buttoned his coat and wound his scarf tightly over his neck.

"First things first," said Syaoran in a muffled voice.

------

Sakura tapped her foot impatiently on the gas pedal.

It had been a nightmare--she had a lengthy mental debate on whether or not she should shower and change clothing. On one hand, she wanted to see Li's naked body--er, she wanted to get out of his drinking clothing. On the other hand, if she really was Li, it would be rather fun to embarrass him by arriving to the office late and looking disheveled. She had decided on the second option.

But now she was heading over to her own apartment. If she was in Li's body, then it logically made sense that he was in her body...Sakura's face turned red. What if he had--

No, she didn't even want her thoughts to stray to that thought.

Sakura fumed silently in the forest green minivan. God, Li sure had a lot of green things. Green car, green sofa, green shirts, green tie...maybe she should add "demented leprechaun" to her list of insults.

As she wound her way through Tokyo morning traffic, her eyes alighted on a familiar looking figure walking among the pedestrians--herself.

Sakura honked her horn loudly.

Syaoran whipped his head to the source of the noise.

The two locked eyes.

One grinned, while the other turned tomato red.

------

Outro

_onstage_

The curtain descended slowly as the audience clapped for the second act of "Intertwined". Soon the lights focused on the center of the stage, and once again, Eriol and Yue returned to the spotlight.

" I hope you've enjoyed the show! Dreamer sends her regards to you, and thanks the audience for coming to watch her flawed piece of work," said a beaming Eriol. " And, of course," he said, swaying his hips, "I hope you enjoyed my special appearance in the show."

Yue growled. " And I hope you enjoyed mine as well," he said, placing heavy emphasis on the word "mine".

Eriol merely grinned.

End of Outro

_offstage_

Dreamer: Hey guys, thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chappie!

Eriol: And by the way, in case you were interested in knowing, I beat Yue in the drinking contest. Go me!

(Yue growls and he and Eriol begin a fistfight.)

Dreamer: Eh hehehe...well, in the next chapter, the horrors begin! (Dramatic music plays) I need some ideas, so please give me some...Syaoran's going to have some ahem...female problems, and Sakura's going to...well, never mind. You'll see...if you review. Muahahahahaha...I'm so evil!

Dreamer: Anyway, thanks again to all those who reviewed!


	3. Act III

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: **I don't own CCS. Not the slightest bit. Not even a share in stocks. Poor wittle me...

**Act III **

Intro

His slender fingers wove in and out of his hair skillfully. Silver eyes twinkled coldly and sinisterly.

"For now, Mr. Hiiragizawa is currently..." Yue took some time to cough sardonically before proceeding, "...out of action," he finished.

"And until that miserable hour of his return, I shall be taking over the stage. And I shall assert my roll as supreme ruler of the universe!" Yue raised his voice slightly and he seemed to tower above the stage.

The audience rolled their eyes in boredom. Several people coughed delicately, carefully masking their hastily choked laughter.

Yue took several more seconds, in which he attempted to look great and menacing, but only succeeded in looking frivolous and cliched.

He finally snapped out of his spell and blinked foolishly, staring down at his audience.

"Uh..." Yue muttered, thinking hard.

There was a collective gasp from the audience. "Yue said 'uh'!" someone in the back row cried.

"He's not so cold after all!"

"He's a poser!"

"He's a homosexual and he wants to have intercourse with Eriol!"

"He did have intercourse with Eriol just before the show and now Eriol feels too sore to do anything because of their passionate and wild fit of frenzied lovemaking!"

After this extraordinarily fallacious (or perhaps accurate) pronouncement, everyone's head swiveled in the direction of the shout.

"EEP!"

People in the audience began to giggle when they saw the person stand up and make for the exit, but not before everyone saw the lock of blue hair fly out from under the person's lavender wig.

"ERIOLLLLLL!" Yue had lost his cool. He hurriedly shouted into the microphone, "The third act of 'Intertwined' will now begin!" With that said, he rushed offstage and towards the door.

End of Intro

Sakura's cheeks felt warm.

No, scratch that.

Syaoran's cheeks felt warm. But as Sakura was in Syaoran's body, she supposed they were her cheeks.

Syaoran grinned, stretching Sakura's delicate features into a watermelon slice-shaped grin.

He immediately began to walk towards Sakura's car, weaving expertly through the messy tangle of cars and bodies.

Sakura thought she might burst when Syaoran casually strolled up along the car.

Face crimson, she unlocked the passenger seat for Syaoran. He shrugged, and opened the door.

An awkward silence pervaded the car. Sakura commenced chewing on her lip as Syaoran, with false cheer, plopped his arse down on the seat and got comfortable.

After five minutes of dead silence, Syaoran supposed he had better take the initiative.

"So..." Syaoran smiled sillily, "you too?"

The diatribe Sakura had been longing to unleash burst through her lips.

"YOUBASTARDYOUDEMENTEDLEPRECHAUNYOUIDIOTWHATTHEHELLDIDYOUDOTOGETUS---"

Syaoran had long given up listening after the first word. Now he clamped a pale white hand to Sakura's mouth.

"--mphphmpmhfffffff..." Sakura was winding down her speech.

"Shhh..." murmured Syaoran as he leaned towards her. Startled, Sakura moved away from his hand. Syaoran whispered in her ear, "I have to study myself from your point of view. I definitely look sexier in real life than in a mirror."

Sakura's face, if possible, became purple.

"We're stuck in this mess," she whispered in a deadly voice, "and all you think about is the way you look in real life?"

Syaoran plunged quickly into quagmire. "Uh...yeah?" he offered in a friendly voice.

Before Sakura could hack Syaoran into shreds with her fingernails, and before she realized that if she shredded Syaoran into pieces she would be shredding herself, a loud, rude honk forced its way into their little world.

"Ah!" Sakura shrieked. She hurriedly pressed on the gas pedal and the car shot forward before coming to a stop a few yards away.

"So," said Syaoran after a slightly less awkward pause, "why don't we start from the beginning?"

Sakura shot him a look.

"Let's."

----------

"...and so, I decided to barge out here and search for you," Syaoran finished his story.

Sakura nodded, thinking.

"I see a pattern here," she said, rubbing her chin. Disgusted, she moved her hand away. "God Li, you're growing some stubble."

Syaoran nodded and relaxed in his seat. "Yeah, that happens," he said knowingly. "But go on about the pattern..."

Sakura sighed. "Well, the thing is, we both seemed to feel confused after lunch. Do you remember..." she stopped and searched through her memory. "You knocked on my door...and I opened it...then the next thing I remember was waking up on the floor." She looked into the rearview mirror. "Remember? You bozo, you knocked on my door!" she immediately flared up. "And then you did some Chinese magic shit that caused us to land in this mess!"

Syaoran sat up.

He grabbed the top of Sakura's head and yanked it back.

"Ow!" The car swerved dangerously and almost crashed.

"What was that for?" Sakura rubbed the top of her head.

"If I wasn't worried that I'd be pulling some of my beautiful hair off my head, I'd still be yanking on it right now," Syaoran said in a dangerous voice.

Sakura continued driving, all of a sudden aware that Syaoran was having a moment.

"First, I hate to say it, but stop being such a biotch. You're not the only one who's upset and confused by this. Second, don't you dare insult my culture. Ever. And third, I swear, on my eight-inch long magic stick, I. Did. Not. Get. Us. Into. This. Mess."

Sakura blushed a deep scarlet. "Magic stick?" she whispered, mortified.

Syaoran waved his hand impatiently. "Rap music. Good stuff. But anyway, I didn't knock on your door."

Sakura gave him a glance. He looked absolutely serious.

Then she became busy analyzing her own features. Li had set them in a serious expression right now. Were her eyes always that determined? Did her hair always look so...soft?

"Hello? Earth to Kinomoto?"

Sakura snapped out of it. "Sure, if you say so. I guess both of us just...got...hit by magic?" She stopped, realizing how foolish she sounded.

Syaoran nodded, bending his head. "Hm...you may be on to something. This is going to sound strange, but I recently read an article in the Tokyo Times. Apparently...there are some old magicians living in the nether parts of eastern Tokyo."

Sakura choked on her spit. "What? You believe in magic? But why would they magic us?"

Syaoran shrugged. "The only other plausible explanation for this is that we're mentally insane, and we most certainly are not. It has to be magic, there's no other explanation. Good thinking, Kinomoto. And as for the last question, I have no idea why they would enchant us. But the best plan of action for now is to search for these magicians, and ask them to take the spell off of us. Meanwhile, I suggest that we tell no one of this. The last thing we need is some high-profile media attention. And besides, no one would ever believe us anyway. Agreed?"

Sakura was about to say yes, but she faltered. What about Tomoyo?

"Who's Tomoyo?" Syaoran's ears perked up.

"Uh...she's my roommate..." Sakura muttered, cursing herself for having spoken out loud.

"..." Syaoran became misty eyed as he conjured an image of Tomoyo in his mind's eye. _She's a hot piece of work..._

Sakura became dot-eyed. "WHAATTTT?"

Syaoran scratched his auburn locks sheepishly. "You didn't hear that."

They were at a busy intersection now. "Li! You better not take this opportunity to look at my friends!" Sakura hollered, her cheeks a splotchy pink.

Syaoran licked a circle around his lips. "Friendssssss?" he grinned seductively.

Sakura buried her face into her hands.

----------

After parking their car, and discovering that they would have to switch offices due to the switch in their bodies, the two of them were now in the elevator.

Sakura shifted uncomfortably from one side of the elevator. Syaoran scratched his nose next to her.

"Did you take a look at my body?"

"Did you?"

Sakura flushed. "No way. You have an ugly body."

Syaoran leaned towards her. "But you...you're a piece of fruit..."

Sakura's eyes grew wide. "You looked?"

Syaoran's hands began to gravitate towards his chest...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sakura began to pound her stomach. "If you look at my body, I'll eat at Mc Donalds' and watch T.V. every night until you gain twenty pounds of flab!"

Syaoran sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'm really not that immoral, you know." He suddenly felt very tired. "But honestly, how are we going to take showers?"

Sakura froze. "We'll figure that out somehow."

The elevator pinged gently.

They exited the elevator, walking side by side down the hallway.

Syaoran opened the door of his office.

"Hey...Kinomoto?"

Sakura looked up. "Yeah?"

Syaoran grinned, a devilish glint lighting up his eyes. "Don't let your sense of humor wear too thin."

----------

Takuchi pressed the intercom. He frowned when, after three seconds, there was still no response.

The speaker crackled a bit.

"Keiko speaking, how may I help you, Takuchi-san?"

Takuchi giggled. "Keiko-chan, it's me! You don't have to be so formal all the time..."

The voice emitting from the intercom became girlishly breathless and floaty. "Oh Jimmy, I thought you had forgotten me!"

Takuchi smiled and rubbed his hands together. "How could I possibly forget someone like you? Guess what, I've formed an orgy of your admirers. Just thought you'd be interested to know that..."

Keiko squealed. " You've formed an orgy of my admirers? Oh how sweet, darling! You'll always be my number one favorite. Listen, I'm in the middle of something right now...so if you'll excuse me..."

Takuchi smiled. "Of course. I'll see you after lunch, then."

"OK, honey. Buh-bye!"

Takuchi smiled and rubbed his large belly. He sat back in his plushy chair and thought about gum.

Keiko giggled on the other end.

"Is that stupid boss of yours done babbling?"

Keiko turned to the man sitting in her chair.

"Oh of course, darling. But don't call him stupid. He's a darling old baldy."

The man growled. "But I'm your absolute favorite, right?"

Keiko giggled insanely. She hoped that no one would walk in on them now...

"You don't even have to ask that," she purred, and sat down on his lap.

----------

Sakura rubbed her eyes. God, Li had some hard work to do.

She sat up and sighed, deciding to take a break from all of these insane rates and percentages. Li had an important job in the financial department. Sakura, unfortunately, was horrible at math.

She opened Li's drawer and rummaged around in it, gasping as she sifted through its rather incriminating contents.

She lifted a 50 Cent CD out, and quickly dropped it with disgust. So Li was a fan of "Candy Shop", was he? Inside she found a motley assortment of thongs. Her eyes bugged as she noticed that each of them had a signature scrawled across the back of it. "Mikage", "Rei", "Ayumi", "Meiko", and "Yuni" were just some of the names that zigzagged boldly across the backs. She looked on the front and her eyes became frog-like. The front had different messages emblazoned onto them.

"I heart your magic stick, you hot Love Doctor," Sakura read Yuni's message out loud in disgust.

She sighed. _Maybe I should burn some of these..._

She dug to the bottom of the drawer and pulled out a book covered with pink and red hearts.

"Hmmm..." Sakura opened the first page and began to read the thoughts and ramblings of the dirty-minded Li.

----------

Syaoran had always excelled in school, but typing business letters had never been something he particularly enjoyed. _I don't know how she can stand all of this letter writing. I mean, Nitta, head of the Ichimura Corporation, is a corrupt idiot, but I still have to be polite as pie when I'm writing a letter to him..._

He sighed and stretched his arms. Then his eyes fell on the drawers...

Raising his eyebrows suggestively, he reached his hand towards the drawer labeled, _Private_.

And stopped once the cold metal handle touched his hand.

Syaoran had a furious mental debate with himself. In the end, to stop his angelic good voice from triumphing over his horrible evil voice, he simply settled the matter by yanking the drawer open and grabbing the first thing on top.

It turned out to be Sakura's personal diary.

Syaoran's smirk stretched from ear to ear. This was going to be good, he thought as he gently stroked the furry pink cover.

----------

By lunchtime, both Sakura and Syaoran had finished reading each other's diaries. By that time, neither was amused. Also by that time, both were wondering how to broach the subject of each other's diaries to one another.

Sakura recalled the words of her therapist.

_When you discover something highly intimate about another person's life, you have to be sure to speak to him/her about it. _

Syaoran, on the other hand, was torn between amusement and the red hot flames of anger.

Outro

A dark-haired Asian girl stepped out onto the stage.

Temporarily blinded by the spotlight, she smiled in what she thought was the direction of the audience, but ended up grinning at her shoes.

"Hi, it's dreamer. Hope you enjoyed the Third Act of 'Intertwined'. I've been busy writing essays and papers for my teachers, so the play kind of got dropped on its arse. But don't worry, it hasn't suffered any major injuries. But I will worry if it doesn't receive any reviews from my lovely critics. That said, I'm out."

She whisked herself under the curtains as they quickly dropped.

End of Outro

Dreamer: Hola, how's it going? Personally I've been swamped by work, but I'll be cleared by the end of this week. Expect updates for all of my stories this weekend...D Thanks for reviewing and reading.

(Strange sounds come from the corner)

Dreamer: (clears throat) Ignore that please. I'll to go break them up...I might even have to decrease their salary if they continue with such behavior...


	4. Act IV

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: Nope. I still don't own CCS. CLAMP is keeping the rights...forever! And I also don't own anything Eminem related. **

**Act IV **

**_DEDICATION:_** OK. Seriously, you guys are hott. No, I honestly think that. This Act is dedicated to all those who have read this story, or any of my stories in general. Super Duper Thank Yous to anyone who has put my stories on Story Alert. Super Duper Bone Crushing Thank Yous to anyone who has put my stories on their Favorite Lists. And, as a last one, Gigantic Super Duper Thank Yous to people who have put me on Author Alert and/or Favorites Author List. But...if you have put me on all of those things...then a Super Duper Gargantuan Thank You goes out to you guys. If you were here with me, I'd hug you. :)

Intro

"'These chicks don't even know the name of my band. But they're all on me like they wanna hold hands. Cuz once I blow they know that I'll be the man. All because I'm the lead singer of my band. _MY BAND, MY BAND, MY BAND...'_"

Yue buried his face into his hands. "Could you please stop singing 'My Band'..." His voice sounded muffled and tired.

Eriol continued singing, oblivious to the fact that Yue was getting irritated.

Anyone who knows Yue in the slightest should be able to understand that he tended to explode when he became irritated.

But Eriol could not hear Yue, and so he continued to sing on.

Yue gritted his teeth. How to stop--

And then it came to him. Smiling slightly, as though he had lockjaw, he tiptoed to the edge of the stage and pulled on a tassel.

The audience raised their eyebrows when they saw the scene backstage. Eriol was in spotlight, singing, and bobbing his head in time to the music. Large headphones, resembling earmuffs, clapped his ears to the sides of his head. Everyone began to giggle as soon as they recognized the song.

"'_MY BAND, MY BAND, MY BAND, MY BAND, MY BANNNNNNNNNNDDDD...'" _A particularly long note came and Eriol dragged it out, relishing in the fact that he was a great singer (or so he thought).

Soon the giggling of the audience permeated the thickness of Eriol's headphones. He stopped singing midnote and blinked owlishly at them. Yue smiled, satisfied when Eriol gulped and smiled.

"Erm...hi, guys!" he waved his hand. Then he hastily pulled off his headphones and grinned. "Uhhh...the Fourth Act is beginning?"

End of Intro

Having made up her mind, Sakura entered her former office.

She looked around, surprised when she saw that no one was in it.

Then her face became the color of a burnt radish when she looked at her desk and spotted her diary.

Almost as quickly, her face became its regular shade of tan when she looked sadly at the diary she held in her hand.

"Li? Where are you?"

Utter silence settled down in the room.

"So, it's back to Li now, is it? Not 'that fat piece of pork'?"

Sakura snapped her head in the direction of the voice.

Syaoran was sitting with his fingers steepled in a dark, secluded corner of the room.

Sakura attempted to look furious, but she didn't do a good job.

"You read my diary?" she questioned, adding a shade of anger to her voice.

Syaoran raised his eyebrows. "And you read mine? Cut the anger out of your voice, Kinomoto."

Then, he smiled and leaned his head back onto the seat. Folding his hands behind his head, he continued, "Well, although you called me a 'fat piece of pork', I'm very glad that you think I have a 'nice, sculpted body'. I'm just curious as to how you found that out..."

Sakura purpled. "Well, I'm glad to know that you have a crush on Keiko-san," she shot back.

Syaoran's eyes narrowed. "Maybe I should tell Matsuura-san that you've been observing his rear end," he snapped.

Sakura turned white. "You wouldn't dare."

Syaoran smirked. "Try me."

Sakura huffed. "Fine. Damn you to hell, Li!"

She turned around and stomped out of her former office.

Syaoran pounded the armrest of the chair, his body stiff with anger.

----------

"Li-san," Kimiki drawled as she spread herself across Sakura's desk, "how are you?"

Sakura forced a smile onto her face. "I'm fine, and you?" Her voice was muffled as she spoke through tightly clenched teeth.

"Oh," said Kimiki as she raised a hand to her forehead. "I'm afraid that I'm not so fine," she pouted and fell across Sakura's desk, thus giving Sakura a glimpse of her chest.

Sakura grimaced. "I think I know why you're not so fine," she muttered quietly to herself.

"What?" Kimiki sat up, this time flashing Sakura a long length of her thigh.

Sakura smiled mischeviously. "Maybe you should go to the doctor if you're not feeling well, Kimiki. Perhaps she'll tell you that you're pregnant. Try not to sleep around with so many guys, dear. And if you really can't resist, always use birth control."

Kimiki jumped off of Sakura's desk. "I am NOT pregnant!" she cried, huffing indignantly. "Why do you think that? Is it because I'm fat?" Her cheeks quivered with unspilt tears.

Sakura, sensing a potential rainstorm coming, gently grabbed the papers from Kimiki's hand. "Thank you for delivering the papers," she smiled. Then, while getting up from her chair, she plucked a tissue from the box and handed it to Kimiki.

"Now, darling," Sakura said as she proceeded to push Kimiki towards the door, "I'm afraid I'll have to tell you to get out of my office. You can go flirt with someone else."

She opened the door and pushed Kimiki out. "Oh, and by the way," Sakura said, as she looked directly into Kimiki's watery eyes, "I really think you should go to the gym and work off that flab."

She slammed the door in her face.

----------

Syaoran gritted his teeth as he watched Sakura's interaction with Kimiki.

_Time for revenge, _he said as he took off his white sweater.

Five minutes later, Syaoran strutted into Takuchi's office.

Takuchi looked up from his papers. "Yes, Kinomoto-san?"

He was about to look back down at his papers when he suddenly noticed something.

Very slowly, he looked up at Syaoran's smiling face, inches away from his own.

"Hello, Takuchi-san," he drawled slowly, inwardly gagging. Although Takuchi was a fifty year old man, his face was still graced with traces of bad acne. His hair looked greasy and unkempt, and his eyes were small and buggy behind his thick glasses. What was worse, he smelled like pickled radish three days expired.

Takuchi gulped. "K-K-Kinomoto-san," he said weakly. "How may I help you?" Takuchi tried not to look down Syaoran's low cut shirt.

Syaoran almost barfed, but he forced himself to continue. "I was just wondering..." he lazily twirled a lock of Takuchi's hair in between his fingers.

Takuchi nearly fainted with joy when Syaoran began to lean closer to him. "I was just wondering..."

At that moment the door burst open.

----------

Sakura tapped her foot impatiently. The elevator pinged to a stop.

She walked out of the elevator and down the hall, running into Meiling.

"Oi! Meiling-chan!" she called out merrily, glad to see her friend.

Meiling's ruby eyes flashed. "What do you want, Li? Don't 'Meiling-chan' me. I'm not interested."

Sakura opened her mouth to retort when she realized that Meiling was seeing Li, not herself.

"Oh, never mind," she harrumphed grumpily and stomped down the hall, leaving behind a very confused Meiling.

She burst into Takuchi's office.

Sakura almost fainted from shock.

She saw Li, in her body, leaning close to their boss. Li was wearing a low cut shirt and a short skirt. Their boss, on the other hand, looked almost silly with joy.

Sakura screamed, "LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

Syaoran jumped, and ended up with a mouthful of Takuchi's hair. He yelled, and jumped up from the desk in a hurry. He promptly began spitting on the floor.

Sakura continued to scream and Syaoran continued to spit. That was when Takuchi took charge.

"SSSTTTTOOOOPPPP!" Takuchi leapt up from his chair.

Syaoran immediately realized, that although Takuchi looked like a dunce and a dirty pervert to match, he was, in reality, quite a competent boss.

Sakura also realized, that she should stop screaming before Takuchi called security.

Takuchi, with his chest heaving, sat down.

Burying his face in his hands, he muttered, "What now?"

----------

"All of these female employees are very distracting," Sakura said. "Something should be done about them."

Takuchi raised an eyebrow. "Why are you telling me about this now? Why not before?"

Sakura folded her arms and crossed her legs. "Well, it's just that they drove me over the edge today."

There was a stunned silence. Sakura looked around nervously and realized that both Takuchi and Syaoran were staring at her.

"What?" she asked as she sweatdropped.

Takuchi coughed slightly. "Well, Li-san, it's just that you're wearing business suit pants. They're a bit tight in some areas...and crossing your legs will certainly not help to decrease the discomfort."

Syaoran whispered to Sakura, "He means that crossing your legs and folding your arms across your chest is somewhat feminine behavior, especially as you're wearing tight business suit pants."

Takuchi heard this whispered conversation between the two and began to bang his head on the desk. _Oh when, oh when will they be ready to behave and work together like good employees?_ he wailed.

Sakura and Syaoran immediately stopped their bickering to listen to Takuchi's wailing.

"Oh, you idiot magicians! You scammed me, I'll be calling you soon to reimburse my money at the end of this month! My two employees will never get along at this rate!"

Sakura clapped a hand across Syaoran's mouth while he did the same to her. They both screamed, "THIS IS ALL TAKUCHI"S FAULT!"

Midway between his lament, Takuchi suddenly found himself pressed onto the desk. Sakura grabbed his tie while Syaoran raised his fist menacingly above his head.

"Talk," they both snarled.

Takuchi's mouth was rounded in an O.

He pressed the security button.

----------

"...'Sakura Kinomoto and Syaoran Li have been expelled from the premises of Tokyo Corporation for one month only, from the 1st of December to the 1st of January of the new year. This order of suspension has been executed due to their unruly behavior and their threatening of James Takuchi, head of Tokyo Corporation. Signed, James Takuchi, head of Tokyo Corporation, blah blah blah'..."

Sakura slapped the order of suspension to her face and groaned.

Next to her, Syaoran sighed and shook his head. "They're not paying us either for this," he muttered. "And we still haven't found out who these magicians are."

Both of them were stunned, and had been shocked into submissiveness. Needless to say, this had toned down their bickering with one another.

Sakura breathed heavily onto the paper.

Syaoran turned the key in the ignition. "I'll drop you off at my-your apartment first," he said.

The drive was mostly silent. Finally, when they were at Sakura's apartment, Syaoran spoke up.

"Don't look at my private stuff," he said, staring straight out of the window.

Sakura nodded mutely.

"Don't look at my body," he said, still staring out of the window.

Sakura shrugged. "How am I supposed to shower?"

Syaoran rubbed his chin. "First shut your eyes. Then put on a bathing suit."

"Right," said Sakura. She opened the door, and then looked at Syaoran. "Don't you dare look at my friends, or my body either. Got it?"

Syaoran nodded.

Sakura shut the door and walked up towards the apartment building.

Syaoran rolled down the window and yelled to her, "Meet me tomorrow back at my place!"

Sakura nodded to show she had heard. "All right! I'll call you!"

Syaoran could not resist shouting back at her, "My ass is hotter than yours!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and turned away, but could not resist smiling a bit.

----------

Outro

Eriol hopped onstage. For once, he was not smiling, or in a jesting mood.

"Dreamer has threatened to cut my salary, so I shall resist making a fool of myself. She hopes you have enjoyed this, and she also hopes that you will give her some reviews/rants. Thank you."

End of Outro

Dreamer: Hey guys, there are more goods to come. Topics for future discussion in the next acts include:

1. Syaoran and some...feminine issues (aka that time of the month)

2. Sakura and some masculine issues (aka chest hair...& shaving)

3. The both of them and some wardrobe malfunction/showering/going to the bathroom issues...

Dreamer: I actually wasn't going to have them getting suspended from work, but now they have some more time to fool around and cause mayhem. Stay tuned, and thanks for reading/reviewing/supporting this fic!


	5. Act V

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: I do not own CCS. Thank you berry mush. **

**Act V **

**A/N: **Wow...can't believe I'm already typing the Fifth Act of Intertwined...this is amazing...and a privilege to continue this play/story...this has become my favorite story as of now...expect updates...because your reviews have inspired me to type this although I have a lot of homework waiting for me and staring me in the eye...lolx...thanks to everyone who read/reviewed this story; your reviews were all kind and inspiring...ok I'll stop babbling right now. Onward and forward!

Intro

Eriol grinned with happiness and glee as he watched the video.

He began giggling giddily when he saw Yue hurriedly take off the pale purple dress, then choked on a giggle as the real person came stomping offstage.

Yue turned his head in Eriol's direction.

"What are you laughing at?" He was in a horrible mood, due to the fact that dreamer had just cut his salary by one penny. (Since his salary was only two pennies, however, one penny alone made up a substancial part of his salary. Yes, this playwright is cheap.)

Eriol shook back and forth on the floor in a fit of uncontrollable giggles. He did not even have the sense to shut the laptop as Yue came storming over to examine the source of his amusement.

Dreamer shook her head and sighed bemusedly when the sound of Yue's screaming reached her ears.

"YOU POSTED THIS VIDEO ONTO THE INTERNET!"

She heard Eriol's reply equally loudly. "HEY, BUDDY, I DID IT FOR US! IF DREAMER ACTUALLY PAID US A DECENT AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR OUR SERVICES, I WOULDN'T BE SELLING VIDEOS OF YOU IN A PURPLE DRESS MAKING LOVE TO A STUFFED MONKEY!"

Yue screamed back even louder, if possible. "HOW MUCH DID YOU GET FOR IT?"

Eriol did a jubilant little dance. "A GRAND TOTAL OF FIFTEEN PENNIES!"

----------

THE VOICE FROM ABOVE: Perhaps it would be better if we cut off the Intro right now. If _shadowy dreamer _had exposed the contents of the rest of the Intro, many of you would have stopped reading this story. (That's because there was an indecent amount of profanity and violence.)-winkwink- However, since she is currently at the hospital tending to two of her miserable employees, she has asked me to take over this show. I will now introduce the Fifth Act of Intertwined. Rest assured, laughs and wickedness are ahead.

----------

End of Intro

Syaoran opened the door of his new apartment.

"SURPRISE!"

He was promptly bombarded by a flurry of confetti, streamers, balloons, and delighted childhood friends.

"Wha--?" Syaoran did not have time to breathe as he was suddenly swept into a group embrace.

"Whazgoinon?" he gurgled as he felt the air swoop out of his lungs. Their encircling arms were utterly crushing him.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAKURA-CHAN!"

Sakura's friends stepped back from the breathless Syaoran and grinned from ear to ear, expecting Syaoran to at least smile at them.

Syaoran, however, was bent double and doing a mental check of himself. _Heartbeat? _Check. _Brain still functioning? _Check. _Lungs? _Syaoran inhaled deeply. Check. _Magic stick? _Syaoran almost reached down there, but stopped himself in time. His Magic Stick was currently in Sakura's possession.

Sakura's friends, who had been watching Syaoran's every move, looked at each other in confusion. Finally, they seemed to decide that Syaoran was in tip top shape, for they began to chatter.

"Saku-chan! You're already twenty four and you're still single! What do you have to say for yourself?" A girl with curly reddish hair chirped.

Syaoran gagged. "Wha?" He forgot to pronounce the word correctly. "I'm twenty-four?"

The smiles faded from their faces.

Tomoyo walked up to Sakura and pressed a tantalizingly smooth hand to his face. "You're not feeling ill, are you honey?" Her violet eyes expressed her concern. "You were acting kind of strange this morning."

A few minutes passed, and Syaoran was still silent.

Tomoyo jumped back when a dribble of drool hit her sock.

"Sakura-chan!"

Syaoran's face wore a glazed sort of look. He was still staring, absolutely spellbound, at Tomoyo. He hadn't even noticed that his mouth was open, and was steadily filling up with drool. Finally it had spilled over the brim of his mouth, and landed on her sock.

Tomoyo interpreted this salivation as a sign of hunger.

She clapped her hand and Sakura's friends immediately stopped their worried whispers.

"All right, Sakura-chan is hungry! Let's all get the cake!"

Naoko, Chiharu and Rika all trooped to the kitchen, giggling and throwing curious looks at Syaoran.

Tomoyo began dragging Syaoran towards the kitchen.

"Come on, missy. I know you're hungry. Wait till you see the cake I've baked for your birthday!"

Syaoran could only utter, "Yeah. Cake. Right."

Then Tomoyo's spell wore off on him, and he grinned as his brain processed the information.

----------

Sakura picked up a french fry with her clean toes and stuffed it into her mouth.

She had discovered that Li's body was extremely flexible, and she was now reaping the benefits.

A minute later, Sakura stuffed a donut into her mouth with her clean toes (this time with a separate foot).

The man on the TV cracked a funny joke, and this caused Sakura to double over, wheezing with laughter.

She was bored, and she had no work tomorrow. After cleaning up the living room and tweezing her eyebrows to make them more presentable (a thoroughly painful job), Sakura now had nothing to do.

She decided to become a couch potato for the night and eat all that Li had in his refrigerator.

To her utmost ecstasy, she discovered that Li had a wide variety of junk food/frozen dinners. She was now on her fourth frozen dinner and her fifth donut.

Sakura poked her muscular abs and smiled wickedly. _Time to ruin his handiwork_...she smiled evilly and stuffed three more french fries into her waiting mouth. This time she used both feet at once.

----------

Syaoran opened his mouth as Naoko stuffed a slice of chocolate cake into his mouth.

He chewed wetly, swallowed, and smiled.

"Chiharu."

Chiharu stepped away from the other girls and pushed the cup to Syaoran's lips.

He gulped a few swallows and smiled dazzlingly at her, winking slightly.

Chiharu smiled back, a confused frown donning her eyebrow. _Did she just...attempt to flirt with me? _

"Rika."

Rika pushed Syaoran's body up from the plushy velvet armchair. She straightened and fluffed the pillows. Syaoran then lay back down. "Thanks, baby doll," he purred softly.

Rika raised her eyebrows and mouthed, "OK..." at Chiharu over Syaoran's head.

"Tomoyo."

Syaoran closed his eyes and shivered as he felt Tomoyo kiss his cheek.

Tomoyo stepped back, feeling puzzled.

"Erm...Sakura?" she ventured timidly. "Why do I have to kiss you? How does that help you relax?"

Instead of answering the question, Syaoran merely said, "I hope I'm not boring you ladies." _How could Sakura have forgotten to tell me it's her birthday today? Too much happened, I guess. _

They all shook their heads and said together, "No way, Saku-chan, this is your birthday! We'd do anything for you on your special day." Yet they were all nearly falling asleep from the boring "work" they had to do for him.

Syaoran raised his feet off the table and stood up. His emerald eyes sparkled. "You know what? I'm not hungry anymore! Let's have a pillowfight..."

The four girls clapped their hands and squealed delightedly. Finally something was happening.

Syaoran grinned again.

He couldn't help it.

"...in our underwear!"

----------

Sakura had finished all of Syaoran's frozen dinners. Now she was starting on his pints of ice cream.

She burped loudly.

The man in the commercial said, "Do you have a high heart rate? Are your arteries clogged with cholesterol? If so, then you need to work out! Try the..." he went on to give the name of a well-known exercise machine.

Sakura grinned. "Yes, Syaoran, you'll have to work out ten hours every dayfor the rest of your life...once I'm done with your body."

The doorbell rang.

Sakura froze. She debated whether or not she should open the door, then decided she could use a little company.

"Yo dude!"

Sakura nearly fell over.

At least four hot guys were crowding into the room. They all grinned charmingly and thumped Sakura on the back, causing some ice cream to fall from her mouth.

"You're eating high cholesterol foods, YaoYao. Better come to the gym with us to workout!" A tall boy with black hair and crystal blue eyes grinned as he picked up the carton of ice cream.

Sakura began to laugh disbelievingly. _YaoYao? That's his nickname among his buddies? _

"Yo YaoYao, you okie?" Another boy with dark brown hair and gray eyes wiggled his fingers at Sakura.

She couldn't stand it any longer. "You--haha--look--haha, so funny!"

The boy glanced at his wiggling fingers and grinned. "I've always done this, don't start making fun of me now!"

Two more of Syaoran's friends entered the conversation. They were identical twins with shoulder-length blonde hair and brown eyes.

"Ah, forget Guchi, YaoYao."

"Yeah, Guchi can be a bit of a pain sometimes. Right, NaNa?"

----------

"EEEEEEEE!" Chiharu squealed loudly when the fluffy pillow hit her directly in the mouth.

Tomoyo laughed loudly, but was quickly silenced when Syaoran hit her in the face with a furry pillow and shouted, "What are you laughing at, huh?"

As they bent over to pick up a pillow, Naoko whispered to Rika, "Isn't Sakura acting kind of strange, Reekie?"

Rika nodded quickly and added, "Damn straight! She's acting like...she's acting...it seems like she's..." Rika gesticulated wildly in the air. "It seems like she's...flirting with us!"

Naoko nodded fervently and pointed at her bikini. "Why's she making us wear these? And why isn't she wearing one herself? I don't believe her when she says that she 'likes the variety of colors' we're wearing."

Rika nodded and would have said more, had she not been hit directly in the chest by a pillow. She looked across the room and saw Syaoran, grinning and waving his hand at them. He blew a kiss in her direction and proceeded to launch a pillow at Naoko, in the exact same area thatRika had been hit in.

Once Syaoran had stopped waving and grinning at them, the two looked at each other and said, "She's _definitely_ flirting."

----------

"Why are we doing this again?" Sakura whined as Syaoran's friends dragged her into the gym.

"Because we _should_ be doing this," answered Nanako, turning his dark blue eyes onto Sakura.

Sakura stopped and stared back.

He smiled, and pushed his hair up from his forehead. "Trust me, it'll be fun. Besides, you've always liked working out."

He turned away, but Sakura kept her eyes on him longer than necessary. She decided his rear end was very well formed, and gagged. _Snap out of it, Sakura! Stop checking out NaNa. _

_Ooh, you're calling him NaNa already,aren't you? _A particularly mean-spirited voice inside her head said.

_Shut up, I might as well call him that! Li and all his other friends do, it'll look kind of funny if I don't, _Sakura snapped back to the voice.

At this moment, Yamaguchi caught up with Sakura. "Come on, YaoYao, let's go into the changing room!"

_UhOh..._Sakura grimaced as she followed them into the locker room. This was something she had been dreading since Nanako suggested they go to the gym.

She tried not to ogle Nanako's chest as he pulled off his shirt.

Nanako followed her eyes and furrowed his brow. "Something wrong, YaoYao?"

Sakura shook her head quickly and turned away, hastily pulling off her own shirt. Although she tried not to look at her own chest, Sakura finally gave in and looked down. _Besides, _she thought, _it's not like Li has something to be ashamed of. He doesn't have any chest protrusions..._

She screamed bloody murder.

"I HAVE CHEST HAIR! AHHHHHH!" Sakura shrieked.

Nanako rushed over to her, and so did Yamaguchi.

"What? What is it, YaoYao?" Yamaguchi asked, evidently concerned.

Sakura reached up a tentative finger and gingerly poked some of the curling hair. She screamed again and nearly wet herself. "It feels alive! It feels like there's something alive and furry on my chest!"

Nanako felt Sakura's forehead. "Are you okay, YaoYao? Do you have afever?"

"Or perhaps PMS?" Yamaguchi chimed in.

Sakura felt a hot rush of blood to her cheeks. "I-I-I-I need to wax off these hair as soon as I get back home," she said. "I don't care how much it hurts Li's body, but I'm going to pluck off all of these...curly hairs."

Nanako raised his brows. "Li? Did you just call yourself that?"

Sakura raised her chin as she became redder. "Yes. I talk to myself like that sometimes." She cursed herself for the slip of her tongue.

The twins came over, already decked out in their workout clothing.

"We heard YaoYao screaming," Jun said, tossing some blond hair out of his eyes.

"What is it this time, YaoYao? Did NaNa slip deodorant into your water bottle again?" Juni smirked superiorly.

"Huh?" Sakura asked. She grinned as she felt a wicked story coming on.

"Don't feign innocence," said Jun, clapping a hand onto Sakura's bare shoulder.

She shivered, causing some over her chest hair to wiggle.

"It's not cold, YaoYao. Why did you shiver?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Uh..." Sakura blushed red again. She quickly reverted the topic back to chest hair. "I don't like chest hair, because it reminds me of pubic hair," she blurted out hastily.

They cracked up. A few minutes later, Nanako was wiping tears from his eyes. "You're hilarious, YaoYao," he said. He smiled at her, and Sakura blushed. Her heart fluttered.

Juni smirked. "Why are you blushing, YaoYao? And..." he stared at her eyebrows. "Hey! Guys, look! YaoYao's tweezed his eyebrows!"

"HUH?"

Three pairs of eyes fixated themselves onto Syaoran's eyebrows. "You're right!" Yamaguchi exclaimed, "They're in a neat little line! YaoYao, you need a hobby."

"And that's why we've taken you to the gym," said Nanako. He grinned, and walked back to his locker, pulling off his pants.

Sakura gulped and hastily looked away. She pulled off her pants, and stared down.

Li had boxers covered with red hearts. Lace trimmed the edges. Sakura smirked. _Future blackmail, _she thought evilly.

----------

"Hey! Dude. Yo, look, NaNa. Check out that girl's ass," Yamaguchi whispered as they trooped towards the gym.

Nanako rolled his eyes while Yamaguchi rummaged around in his gym bag.

"Ah ha!" Yamaguchi grinned, and whipped a pair of binoculars to his eyes. "Let's have a close-up," he murmured lovingly.

"Hey! Let me have that!" Jun, Juni, and Yamaguchi began fighting over the binoculars.

Sakura rolled her eyes in disgust.

"Why aren't you joining them, YaoYao?" Nanako looked at her curiously.

"Well, personally, I have better things to do than to observe a girl's rear end," Sakura said stiffly. She raised her nose in the air. "Men have much better rear ends. They're more defined, you see."

Nanako stopped walking. _"What?" _he whipped his head in Sakura's direction.

Sakura' face represented a cherry tomato. "Erm...I said that men have much fatter rear ends. Their rear ends sag with flab, you see. Fat men on the street have sagging asses," Sakura babbled. "Ehehe...it was meant to be a joke, see?"

"Ohhhh," said Nanako. He raised his brows. "I thought you said that men had better rear ends because they were more defined. Hmm, you really had me worried, YaoYao." He winked roguishly.

Sakura was captivated by the blueness of his eyes.

She continued staring at the back of his head long after he had turned and walked away.

"Hey! YaoYao! You comin' or what?"

She shook her head and chided herself. She couldn'tflirt with him as long as she was in Li's body.

----------

Syaoran lay with his head resting on Tomoyo's stomach.

The rest of the girls had gone home after handing him some gifts. All of them had given him some new perfume, lipstick, or makeup. Chiharu's audacity had spurred her to present Syaoran with a brand new lingerie set, complete with a lacy thong and black bra.

"Victoria's Secret," she had whispered conspiratorially into Syaoran's ear. "Wear it on a hot night, Saku." She had grinned and winked, nudging him slightly in the ribs.

Syaoran had sniffed it. "I'll wear it on a hot night with you," he had murmured breathily. Chiharu had then backed away, wearing a confused look on her face.

"Tomoyo?" Syaoran asked, rubbing his hand on Tomoyo's belly.

"Mmm?" Tomoyo said, shivering slightly. She was still in her bikini. Syaoran had asked her to keep it on because he "liked the color".

"Can I put whipped cream on you?"

----------

"I--can't--do--this--anymore," Sakura wheezed. She had barely spent three minutes on the treadmill.

Juni rolled his eyes. "Come on, YaoYao. You usually work out more than the rest of us. What's up today?"

Sakura sighed, and jumped off the treadmill. She headed for the weights.

Sakura began bench pressing at 50 and found that she could do it with ease.

"Come on, YaoYao! You can do better than that," said Yamaguchi, who was bench pressing 300.

"Yeah, YaoYao," said Nanako, who was lifting a fifty pound barbell. "Look, even those girls are doing more than you."

Sakura looked over. One of the girls was giggling and fluttering her eyelashes at Nanako, while the other was staring at Sakura herself.

Nanako rolled his eyes when Yamaguchi walked over to them and began flirting. The other girl was still staring persistently at Sakura, who felt slightly sick. _Eww...I'm not a lesbian..._

She jumped up and started walking out of the gym.

"Where are you going?" Nanako called after her.

"To see my boyfriend!" The words escaped her lips and Sakura stared wonderingly at herself in the mirror that covered half of a wall.

"I didn't know you had one," commented Jun as she walked out. He snickered as she looked back at him, and saw Nanako's confused face in the mirror. Apparently, Jun thought she was joking, but it seemed like Nanako thought otherwise.

----------

Syaoran dipped a strawberry into the whipped cream.

He pouted.

Tomoyo had refused to let her belly button be a bowl for whipped cream, and had instead put the whipped cream into a glass bowl.

The bell rang.

"I'll get it!" Tomoyo called.

Syaoran heard the door open.

A few minutes later, an irate-looking Sakura stalked into the room, accompanied by a confused Tomoyo.

Syaoran responded to Sakura's glower with a weak wave.

----------

Outro

THE VOICE FROM ABOVE: Hey, it's me again. I'm sure you all want Eriol, Yue, and dreamer back, but they're still at the hospital. Hope you've enjoyed the play. Please review generously. The more reviews dreamer gets, the more acts she'll write. Well, that's it for now, folks. Ciao!

End of Outro


	6. Act VI

**Intertwined**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. I do own the plot, though, and Nanako, Yamaguchi, and the twins. I don't own "Hey Ya" either. **

**Act VI **

Intro

_onstage_

"Ohhhhh...let's be annoying, annoying, annoying, let's be annoying at piss off Yue! Ohhhhh...Yue is so ugly, so ugly, so ugly, Yue is as ugly as my great aunt's face! OHHH..." Eriol was bouncing up and down and wiggling like an idiot.

Meanwhile, Yue glared daggers at him.

Dreamer sighed.

They had just gotten back from the hospital about a day ago, and things were not going well.

Yue was confined to a wheelchair, and he had a bandage strapped tightly around his mouth, due to an injury Eriol had given him.

Eriol, on the other hand, was completely healed. However, he had decided to take advantage of Yue's inability to speak. He was now singing insulting songs about Yue at every opportunity he had.

Dreamer just continued to shake her head.

She stepped out onto the stage and bowed to polite applause.

"The sixth act of 'Intertwined' will now begin. Thank you all for your continued support of my play. I'll try to turn out more acts...if you turn out more reviews. Anyway, thanks once again! So sit back and enjoy the show..."

The lights centered on the stage and the curtains rose.

End of Intro

Sakura's vein was throbbing, Syaoran noticed.

That did not bode well. It did not bode well at all.

Tomoyo was staring at Syaoran with a faint line of annoyance between her brows. "Ahem," she said, narrowing her eyes slightly. "Introductions, please?"

Syaoran smiled coyly at Tomoyo.

"This, my lovely darling, is Mr. Syaoran Li, the best-looking man in the entire world, and the smartest, and the most...handsome, of course. I am blessed to be his associate at work."

Sakura gritted her teeth. Sweat dripped from her hair.

Tomoyo quickly noticed.

"Erm...would you like something cold to drink? You look...awfully hot," Tomoyo's voice trailed away.

Syaoran smirked at Sakura. "Of course, he's marvelously hot. Not like me."

Sakura was about to lunge at Syaoran and pound him to a bloody pulp. However, she rememberd that, if that happened, Tomoyo would be a witness against her in court. So she restrained herself with difficulty and said, with a dignified voice, "If you'll excuse me, Ms. Daidouji, Mr--Ms. Kinomoto and I would like to speak alone, for a while."

Tomoyo looked at Syaoran, who put on a bored expression and nodded.

Then she did a double take.

"Wait...how did you know my name?" Tomoyo looked at Sakura, confused.

Syaoran smirked as Sakura blushed slightly. _Slip of the tongue...tut, tut, tut. _"He knows your name because of your widespread beauty, sugar." Syaoran dipped another strawberry into the whipped cream and sucked on it, raising his eyebrows suggestively at Tomoyo.

It was lucky that Tomoyo was endowed with enough good sense to leave the scene immediately.

For it was bad.

Oh yes, very bad.

Sakura closed the door softly, a very ominous sign for the hot tempered girl.

She turned around slowly.

Syaoran gulped. _Wow...I never knew I looked that intimidating when I got angry..._

Sakura smiled horribly and sat down.

Still smiling, she said, " What.The. Flying. Fuck. Have. You. Been. Up. To."

Syaoran took a deep breath, and related to Sakura all the events that had happened up until this point. He finished by asking incredulously, "Dude, did you seriously forget your own freakin' birthday?"

Still smiling, Sakura merely said, "Slipped my mind."

Five minutes passed. Sakura was still looking at Syaoran and smiling in that horrible way.

Syaoran gulped again.

He dipped an innocent-looking strawberry into the bowl and swirled it around in the whipped cream.

"Eh...strawberry?" He offered the bright red fruit to Sakura.

She slapped it out of his hand.

It smacked the wall and burst, oozing a pasty red juice that mixed with the white whipped cream.

Syaoran smiled meekly.

"Guess not."

----------

Yamaguchi smiled dotingly upon the girl he was dallying with.

"Mmm..." he murmured as he twirled a lock of the girl's brown hair around his finger. "What's your name?"

The girl giggled. "I'm Chika."

Yamaguchi's jaw dropped. "No kidding! Hey...do you know anyone named Syaoran Li?"

The girl's coy expression immediately dropped to the ground.

"Don't even talk to me about that asshole's hairy baboon's ass!"

She got up from the seat she was sitting in and stomped off the bus.

Yamaguchi scratched his head in confusion.

The bus driver had observed the whole scene with interest. He rolled his eyes.

"Womanizer..." he muttered.

----------

Syaoran eyed the ketchup stains on Sakura's shirt.

"YOU..." he said loudly, effectively cutting off Sakura's rant. "You've been eating my frozen dinners, haven't you?"

Sakura looked down and stared at the large red blob of ketchup.

"Oh." Sakura looked back up at him.

Now it was his turn to glower frighteningly.

Syaoran poked his finger into Sakura's face. "So you have been eating my frozen dinners, eh? What did I say? Do not abuse my body in any way! Do not harm my abs! Do not mess up anything muscular on my body!"

Sakura's mouth froze in an O. Then she sighed. "I guess it's no use. Fine, I'll admit it. I've been eating McDonalds and Burger King's simultaneously. You see, it's like this. I took a large bite of a burger, and then I immediately topped it off with a large McFlurry. Then I--"

Syaoran's hands were clamped to his ears. "Nooooooooo!" he cried, wailing loudly and thrashing on the floor. "Noooo! I can't believe that you've been abusing my body like this...you beep !"

Just then, Tomoyo knocked on the door.

They both froze.

"Sakura?"

No answer.

"Sakura? Is everything all right in there?"

Sakura was mouthing furiously into Syaoran's ear. "Answer her," she hissed.

Syaoran coughed, and then put on a falsetto, girly voice. "Oh no, dear, everything is perfectly fiiiiinne!" he drawled, his voice shrill and girly.

Tomoyo frowned. "But I heard moaning inside there...are you guys doing anything inappropriate? It sure sounds like it. If you are, then I recommend that you use protection." Then she walked away.

Before she even finished, Syaoran and Sakura were both crimson in the face and gagging.

_Anything inappropriate? With him? Wow, I've never even thought of--of--ANYTHING even remotely related to that! _Sakura fumed silently.

_Hanky-panky? With her? No way Jose! I'm not going there! She's probably going to end up as a fat forty-year old virgin, _Syaoran thought, rolling his eyes.

He sighed again, and rubbed his temples. There was a headache coming on. He knew it was time to make a deal.

"OK, Kinomoto, listen. I'll stop looking at your friends' bodies if you stop eating all those frozen dinners and fattening my body up."

Sakura tapped her chin thoughtfully. It was time to make a concession.

----------

Syaoran closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He pulled off Sakura's clothes and dropped them to the floor. Then he picked up the first thing next to him and pulled it on.

He opened his eyes and looked down.

He was wearing a frilly nightgown covered with ribbons and frills.

Oh, the horror.

Syaoran covered his eyes. Here he was, stuck in a granny's nightgown. God, but Sakura did have a lovely sense of fashion.

"Hey Sakura."

He looked up, and then immediately looked down. Tomoyo had just entered his room, clad in a silky, almost see-through nightgown.

Tomoyo wrinkled her nose distastefully. "Sakura, why aren't you wearing the thong and bra set Chiharu gave you? I thought you hated old granny-style nightgowns."

Syaoran sought vainly for a response. "Well, it's just that my grandmother used to wear these sort of nightgowns, and I've always aspired to be like my granny," he ended up saying lamely.

Tomoyo's eyes widened. She descended gracefully in her chair. "Wow. I never knew that you wanted to be like your grandmother. Wasn't she a bit...erm...batty? From the way you described her previously, it sure sounded like it."

Syaoran hated himself for doing it, but he had to continue with this act. "My, what are you talking about? My grandmother was a lovely, beautiful woman. Even at eighty years old, her chest never sagged and she always used birth control!"

Tomoyo's eyebrow rose. "I thought that your grandmother was a wrinkled, bony woman who walked with a cane and chewed garlic every waking moment of the day." Her eyebrow rose even higher. "By the way, how did you know whether or not your grandmother used birth control? I mean, you weren't there when she...you know..."

Syaoran nearly vomited, but kept a calm smile on his face. "No, but I do know that she was inordinately fond of thongs. In fact, they were like her...favorite plaything!"

The words burst from her mouth before he could recall them. He clapped a hand to his mouth and waited, wide-eyed for the repercussions.

Tomoyo looked as if she was having a hard time deciding whether she wanted to laugh or cry. She finally settled for a shaky laugh. "That's...that's...very...intruiging, Sakura. I never knew that...she liked thongs...she must be a very...cantankerous woman."

Syaoran smiled sweetly. It was actually fun seeing Tomoyo speechless.

"You know what else?"

Tomoyo turned to look at him.

"My grandma always told me..."

Tomoyo leaned even closer.

"...that she didn't like men with flabby rear ends. They slowed things down when they rolled," Syaoran said matter-of-factly.

----------

Sakura jumped up and down on her bed, sending pillows flying. After the first disastrous episode in the gym, she had closed her eyes and changed her clothes. She then shuddered. Her chest hairs were too frightening to even look at.

She put her hands to her face and gingerly touched her face mask. She had put seaweed face mask on her face the instant she had come home, and had also spritzed herself with some heavy perfume. She grinned as she eyed the recently bought products on top of Li's dresser. She had bought some...feminine products for herself at a store after the confrontation with Li. After all, though she was in a man's body, she was still a woman at heart. Sakura thumped her chest proudly.

"Hey-hey-hey! Guess who it is...it's Muscular Sculpture Man! The one with huge muscles...oh yeah! You can't beat me, can you?" Sakura jumped down to the ground and flexed her muscles in front of the mirror.

She pretended that there was music playing.

"Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture!" Sakura yelled, grinning maniacally as she watched her body respond to her mind's wishes. She was actually shaking her ass like there was no tomorrow!

"Dude."

Sakura froze, mid-shake.

"Dude, what the hell have you been doing?"

Nanako was standing casually in the doorway with folded arms. He was watching her, his eyes dancing with amusement.

Sakura stood there, frozen and completely humilated.

Nanako grinned and strolled up to her, his crystal blue eyes alive. "Yo YaoYao? You awake?"

Sakura was instantly aware of how ridiculous she looked. Her entire face was completely green, and she was smelled like "Essence of Moondew". Nanako must have thought that his friend was...extremely gay. At least she hadn't bought anything pink.

Nanako shook his head. "Wow, YaoYao, you really are getting quite feminine. Let's see...first we find you pigging out on frozen dinners and plucking your eyebrows. Then I find out that you have a boyfriend. Come on, tell me, have you been in the closet all this time? It's okay to come out now, really. We're your friends, we won't care if you're gay."

Sakura was still frozen. "Erm...you see...it's like this...uh...you're my boyfriend!" She cursed herself for saying that she was going to see her boyfriend when she left the gym.

A puzzled frown rose between Nanako's brows. "What?"

Sakura thought quickly and berated herself for her slip of the tongue. "Eh...eh..." Nanako's vibrant stare wasn't helping her train of thought.

"Well, it's like this. I've gotten into the habit of calling all my guy friends 'boyfriends'. You know, how girls always call their female friends 'girlfriends'? Well, I just call my male friends 'boyfriends'. Hehe...it doesn't really mean anything. And besides, I AM NOT GAY!" Sakura practically yelled at Nanako.

Taken aback, Nanako raised his palms placatingly. "Okay, YaoYao. I know you're not gay. But...er...listen, I just wanted you to know that your friends will always be behind you no matter what. Er--"

He was cut off as Sakura walked to the bed and sat down, sighing. "NaNa, it's okay. I know suppression and denial aren't healthy psychologically, but I'm really not gay. I'm just...trying out something new. I'm plucking my eyebrows because I think it's not nice to have messy ones. And I'm wearing a face mask and perfume because I want to get in touch with my more feminine side. See, it's like this. I have this theory that I'll get closer with females if I act like one. I'm trying really hard because I want to improve my relationship with the women in my life."

She looked up.

Nanako was standing there open-mouthed.

Sakura gulped nervously, wondering if he would buy it. It was the best she'd come up with on the spot.

"YaoYao--I--" Sakura was shocked to see tears in his eyes.

"YaoYao--that was the most mature thing you've said all your life."

Sakura started.

Nanako leapt forward and grasped her in his arms, cutting off her air and giving her a bear hug.

When he finally pulled away, she was shocked to find him wiping tears of joy away from his eyes.

"YaoYao...you sounded so mature back then...I'm so happy that you're finally growing out of your immaturity...this is making me so happy...and I'm rather relieved to find out that you're not gay after all...I came tonight to check up on you...found the spare key under your doormat...but it turns out that you're perfectly fine on your own..."

Sakura patted Nanako rather awkwardly on the arm. "It's ok...I finally decided that I'm not going to act...er...immature anymore..."

Nanako nodded, then straightened. He thumped Sakura on the chest and grinned. "You've made me proud, YaoYao, you've made me proud."

He backed out of the room, still grinning.

Sakura waved a tentative good-bye when he walked away down the hall.

It was only after the door slammed that she dare let loose the laugh that had been tearing at her throat.

Outro

Yue sat in his wheelchair onstage.

He raised a hand and his fingers began moving rapidly.

The curtains fell and the audience stared at each other in confusion, for Yue had used sign language.

End of Outro

Dreamer: (waves hand sheepishly) Erm...that chapter was what I called a weird chapter...erm...I'm not sure how to describe it...but expect more updates soon, although I can't even give a tentative schedule. I'll definitely give you guys an anniversary update though!

Dreamer: Oh, and please tell me if the humor is getting out of hand. Does anyone find the dirty jokes offensive?

**VOTE **

Dreamer: OK guys, here's my plan. I want to know what you guys want to see most in the next chapter (aka the anniversary chapter). Pick one of the following:

1. Syaoran's menstruation

2. Syaoran & Tomoyo have some "girl time"

3. Sakura gets caught putting makeup on her face

Personally, I'm trying to save the menstruation for a later time. (Save the best for last winkwink nudgenudge ) But--it all depends on you guys! Pick one of the three and I'll write the chappie for you, quickly this time.

Dreamer: btw...Happy New Year!

Eriol: Oh yeah baby, oh yeah! A new year for my sexiness!

Dreamer: (wacks head) If you're good...I'll give you and Yue a cameo appearance in the next chapter!

Eriol: (grovels on the floor) Pleeeaaasseee?

Dreamer: (winks) It all depends on my lovely reviewers!


	7. Act VII

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: **Please see chapter uno to seis for elaborations, excuses, and rants. Also, I don't own anything TLC related.

**A/N: **Yeah, I promised to get out an anniversary chapter, and here it is…almost two months late. Surprisingly, choice 3 won: Syaoran gets caught putting on makeup, with choice 1 coming in as a close second. Don't worry, eventually all of them will make it into the story… cackles 

**Act VII **

Intro

_onstage _

Eriol beamed brightly as he glanced out at the audience.

"BEEEP! BEEEP!" Most of the audience's rants were being drowned out by the censoring machine. Undeterred, the audience began standing up and hurling things at the curtain.

"WE WANT DREAMER!" One particularly loud individual had cupped her hands around her mouth and belted her lungs out. She then picked up a large can of red paint and flung it at the curtain.

Eriol shuddered and ducked his head back behind the curtains.

"Well," he said cheerily as dreamer raised a stony eyebrow, "at least they aren't throwing flaming torches at the curtains."

Dreamer rolled her eyes.

The audience immediately quieted down when dreamer walked on stage. The spotlight was completely on her, although it was unnecessary, for every eye in the room had fixated itself on her.

"Where's the next act!" The same loud and obnoxious individual who had shouted before struck again.

Soon the room dissolved in a tidal wave of noise.

Dreamer rolled her eyes and began to inspect her fingernails.

People began quieting down when they noticed she was waiting for them to be quiet.

"Thank you," dreamer said when everyone had stopped yelling, "I've been quite busy with life these past few weeks and the play got pushed down my list of priorities. Thankfully, life seems to be slowing down slightly at this point. So I decided to sit down and type this. Fear not, for the play will be continued!"

Everyone in the audience took time to say, "Awwwnn..." to dreamer's devotion and dedication.

She smiled bashfully before continuing. "I've counted your votes, and I'm surprised to say that Syaoran gets caught putting makeup on got the most votes, with menstruation coming in as a close second."

She left quickly, but before one half of the room could start yelling at the other half over the poll results, she yelled into the microphone, "The seventh act of 'Intertwined' will now begin."

End of Intro

"The girls all talking, the girls all talking," Tomoyo sang merrily as she poured syrup on the pancakes.

Syaoran groaned and woke up at the sound of her voice.

_Whuz happenin'..._he sat up and blinked, looking around for the source of that voice.

"Morning, sunshine," Tomoyo chirped cheerfully as she walked gracefully into the bedroom.

Once again, Syaoran was rendered speechless by the sylph-like woman standing in front of him.

Tomoyo rolled her eyes. "Snap out of it, Sakura. Time to get up and go to work."

Syaoran continued to drool unbecomingly.

Tomoyo snapped.

"Fine, take your breakfast!"

She stomped out of the room, furious. Now it seemed like all Sakura cared about was food.

Syaoran began eating the pancakes while wishing he could pour the syrup all over Tomoyo's body. He sighed and rolled his eyes. _No can do while I'm in this woman's body..._

-----

Sakura woke to feel an unpleasant feeling in the bottom of her abdomen.

_Oh no..._Her eyes opened wide with horror and disgust.

_She needed to go to the bathroom. _

Sakura had never glimpsed an X-rated part of a guy's body, and she never intended to. However...as of now, certain circumstances were pressing...

Sakura ran to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, exhaling. She could do this. _Breathe in, breathe out. _

Then she collapsed in a heap on the floor. "I CAN'T!" she howled, pounding her head on the marble tiles.

As quickly as she leapt down, she jumped back up again, inhaling deeply once more. _Okay, Sakura, listen. You've survived numerous other things, such as Li's prank with the monkey..._To prevent further thoughts on that particular prank, Sakura quickly did her business in the bathroom while staring at herself in the mirror.

After she finished and flushed the toilet, Sakura stared at herself proudly in the mirror. _You're a true man, Saku. You're a true man. _

She froze.

In this case, she was literally a true man.

-----

Syaoran grimaced as he glanced at the clothing Tomoyo had thrown at him.

"Um, Tomoyo..." he said as he pulled a particularly offensive hot pink thong from his head.

"Yeah," Tomoyo barked grumpily as she threw a tube of dark red lipstick at Syaoran's head.

Syaoran dodged the tube. "It's like this, see. I've been wanting to avoid my more feminine side after--"

Tomoyo turned around.

Syaoran was shocked into silence.

She smirked, saccharinely sweet, while exposing all of her pointed, feline teeth. "Now, Sakura-chan, I don't think you want to be arguing with me right now, do you?"

Syaoran nodded quickly.

Tomoyo continued smiling. "I know that you're a driven, independent woman who doesn't care much for dressing like a slut when she's going to work, but right now, I'm really pissed. All you've been doing around me lately is drooling, and I'm going to get revenge for your lack of response to my attempts at starting a conversation. Besides, I'm sure you'll like the masculine attention..."

Syaoran didn't even attempt to tell her he had been expelled from the company for the entire month. It had slipped his mind yesterday, what with all of the birthday hullabaloos and fripperies.

God, the woman could be quite scary when angry. Syaoran made a mental note to stop drooling around her.

-----

Sakura clasped her bra, and then stopped short.

She rolled her eyes at the sight of Li's naked chest strapped tightly by the confining garment. A day ago it would have amused her, but now it was just tiring. She wanted her own body back, flabby ass and all.

She glanced miserably at the black underwear she had bought yesterday. It was sexy all right, but only on a woman, not on a man with huge, muscular buttocks. Besides, if she wasn't careful, Li's friends would start calling her a cross-dresser, and that was something she most definitely wanted to avoid.

Sakura pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of pants, grimacing.

She hoped Li wouldn't be too angry.

-----

Syaoran drove maniacally as he veered sharply around the corner.

He was going to pick Sakura up, and they were going to pay a visit to some of those magicians they had heard Takuchi mention yesterday. But first things first…

Syaoran was going to the mall.

-----

He quickly parked the car and got out, stumbling awkwardly in his pair of high heeled shoes. Syaoran looked down and grimaced at the glaringly bright red shoes, gleaming unpleasantly in the morning sun. _At this rate people will start asking me how much I cost…_he thought rather darkly.

His arms felt uncomfortable in the hot pink tank top Tomoyo had forced him into. Not an inch of his legs were left to the imagination as they protruded from underneath his sequined, glittery dark red skirt. Syaoran wrapped his coat tighter around his waist. Tomoyo had made him wear a short, faux fur jacket.

Syaoran walked into the mall and looked around, attempting to find the Men's Department Store.

"Umm…excuse me, sir," Syaoran said, tapping the shoulder of a mall personnel.

The man turned around.

Syaoran eyed him nervously.

"Yeah?" he asked, smirking a bit at Syaoran's legs.

Syaoran licked his lips and proceeded. "Do you know where the Men's Department Store is?"

The man looked him up and down.

Syaoran smiled but his mind was retching. _Eww…I'm supposed to be checking girls out!_

"Say…" the man had wrapped an arm around Syaoran's shoulder. "Forget the Men's Department Store. Let's say we go out sometime, eh?"

Syaoran smiled sickly sweet. He gently removed the man's hand from his shoulder.

"Thanks, but no thanks."

However, the man wasn't so easily dissuaded as he patted Syaoran's shoulder in what was meant to be a comforting manner.

For a moment both of them froze when they heard the slapping sound.

Syaoran almost grinned when the man removed his hand, looking disgusted.

The man walked away, shaking his head and muttering, "What a flabby body! There's even so much fat on the shoulders."

-----

Sakura patted the pockets of her pants and sighed. Where was Syaoran?

-----

"That'll be forty-five dollars, please."

Syaoran slapped the cash on the counter and dashed into the changing room, ignoring the startled looks on the faces of the various customers.

When he was in the changing room, he sighed. _Yes..FINALLY! _he thought, closing his eyes and pulling off the tanktop.

It had been a complete nightmare as Syaoran had been shuttled from assistant to assistant, all of whom were men, and obviously quite desperate men. They had all taken the cue and assumed that Syaoran was…well, a hooker. And he couldn't blame them either, since, with his heavy eyeliner, lip liner, lipstick, and mascara, he really did look the part.

_Not anymore, though! _Syaoran thought happily as he finished buttoning down his dress shirt and zipped up his slightly baggy jeans.

He walked out of the dressing room a few seconds later and beamed, carrying Tomoyo's inappropriate clothes in a bag.

However, after several moments, Syaoran began to notice something wrong. People were staring openly after him as he passed them.

Syaoran began to feel nervous. What was wrong?

"Yo, dude!"

He whipped around.

Syaoran's jaw dropped as he recognized his friends.

Without thinking, he ran over and jumped on Nanako. "Hey, NaNa, it's great to see you!"

Nanako struggled to pry Syaoran's arms off of him.

"What the hell?"

Syaoran found himself pushed away from his best friend. Then he almost slapped himself. He was in Sakura's body, not his own.

Yamaguchi shoved his face aggressively in front of Syaoran's. "Dude, are you like, a drag queen?"

Syaoran's mouth dropped open. Then on impulse, he shouted, "WHAT? HOW DARE YOU CALL THE GREAT AND MASCULINE SYAORAN LI A DRAG QUEEN?"

Everyone gasped.

"YaoYao?" Nanako whispered, horrified. "YaoYao, how come you never told us you were a secret drag queen? What the hell—" Nanako broke off to stare at Syaoran's hair and green eyes. "You have a wig? And what's up with the green contact lenses?"

Yamaguchi, Jun, and Juni simply stared, awestruck.

Syaoran took one look at their dumbstruck faces and ran.

His friends didn't bother running after him.

-----

Sakura heard the doorbell ring and ran to open it.

She was about to say, "Finally!" when the word caught in her throat.

Syaoran was standing on her doorbell, wearing a polo shirt and baggy jeans. He looked more masculine than feminine. His makeup was perfect. It would have made a drag queen proud.

"Let me in already, stop ogling," Syaoran grumbled as he pushed past her and into his home.

Sakura could only stare after him.

"Jesus, what the hell is this smell?" Syaoran frowned and sniffed the air. Then his eyes landed on Sakura.

"Wait…I'm too afraid to ask…no, go ahead and tell me. What. The. Bloody. Fuck. Are. You. Wearing."

Sakura smiled helplessly. "Erm…Essence of Moondew? It's quite a flowery and popular perfume."

Syaoran ran up to her and pulled the shirt to his face. "No, no, no! You are totally ruining my sexiness. What the hell is this?"

Sakura's t-shirt was brightly plastered with the words, "I'm not a Woman yet, I'm a Girl."

"Like it?" Sakura smiled brightly and attempted to look optimistic.

Then Syaoran stared at her legs. "Wait…you're wearing red velvet stretch pants."

Sakura shrugged. "So? They're comfortable."

Syaoran stared at her. "They're comfortable," he said dumbly.

Sakura smiled, batting her eyelashes.

Syaoran froze. "Wait…you waxed my eyebrows?"

Then he noticed an even more horrifying detail. "Mascara? Glittery eyeshadow? On my body?"

Sakura laughed, a deep, masculine sound. "Look at your legs, Li." She was enjoying every moment of this.

Syaoran looked down at his legs and roughly pushed up the velvet fabric. "Shaved!" he almost sobbed. "All my precious leg hairs are gone! Oh, MiMi, FiFi, CeeCee! You have all been shaved and thrown into the garbage can!"

Sakura couldn't stifle her giggles. "Oh Liiii…" she murmured in a singsong voice, pulling him up to chest level.

Syaoran's eyes fluttered. "How…how…" he was afraid to ask. "Did you…inject female hormones into my body? Why do I have…mammary glands?"

Sakura smiled. Oh yes, she was loving this. "Yup. I went to the doctor yesterday and injected some progesterone and estrogen. Much better than silicone implants, you know. You're a female now, Li. And you've got a great chest growing."

A loud thump told her Syaoran had fainted.

Sakura giggled as she stepped over Syaoran's prostrate form. Served him right for not coming earlier to pick her up.

Then she felt the cotton balls that she had stuffed into her Wonderbra. Sakura rolled her eyes. Li could be such a gullible fool sometimes.

-----

Outro

Eriol danced onto the stage, wearing a classy ballerina tutu. He was dancing slowly and gracefully to Swan Lake.

"And that, my lovely dears," he sang in a breathy whisper, "concludes Act Seven. Review generously, please."

End of Outro

Dreamer: Okay…I wasn't sure how well that went. Tell me in a review, ok? Next chapter: they go to meet the magicians. And the romance in this fic will get stepped up. After all, it is categorized Romance/Humor.


	8. Act VIII

**Intertwined**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. Well, except for the plotline and some of the secondary characters. **

**A/N: **I probably would write responses to the lovely reviews I received, but I don't think that's allowed. So tell me if you want me to respond to a certain review you wrote, and I can send a message to you via the messaging system. Okay, that's all. Let the show begin! (By the way, I hope this was a timely update. After the long wait between Act VI and Act VII, I was sure many of you readers had given up.)

**Act VIII **

Intro

_onstage_

Eriol giggled as he dropped the banana peel onto the floor.

Dreamer and all of the backstage crew were celebrating Yue's recent freedom from the confining wheelchair. He had also gained back his ability to speak, so this celebration was double the joy and relief. Yet there was one person who did not feel an ounce of joy...well, you guys can probably guess who that person is.

Eriol dropped the another banana peel onto the floor and began giggling uncontrollably. He stuffed his fist into his mouth and effectively blocked out the sound. Then he slowly retreated backstage to where dreamer and the rest of the crew were waiting.

_offstage_

"Isn't it just wonderful, Eriol?" Nakuru gushed, with a huge grin on her face and large hearts in her eyes.

Eriol managed to nod mechanically. He was afraid he would burst into laughter again.

Dreamer eyed him suspiciously but chose not to say anything. "I hope Yue will enjoy being in the spotlight again," she said.

Eriol smirked like a Cheshire cat. "Oh, I'm sure he will," he said, his eyes slit-like.

Dreamer eyed him suspiciously again, but chose not to comment.

Just then, everyone burst into applause as the man of the moment, Yue, swept into the backstage area, clad impressively in...

Neon yellow and glittery pink?

Everyone immediately looked down at the floor, shocked by Yue's flamboyance.

"Erm...Yue?" Dreamer broached cautiously, squinting her eyes to look at Yue in all of his magnificence.

Yue smiled horribly. "Yes, playwright?"

Dreamer continued to squint her eyes. "Um...interesting fashion sense."

Yue looked down at his costume. "Oh yes, I'm currently exploring a new avenue of fashion. Since it's my first day back since that DEVASTATING INJURY (and here he stopped to glare at Eriol, who had the grace to look ashamed), I've decided to come back with a shocking bang. Wonderful, don't you think?"

Dreamer smiled awkwardly. "Yes, Yue, whatever you say."

Yue smiled importantly and flounced away, his six petticoats bouncing up and down.

The backstage crew was left in shock.

_onstage_

"Ladies and gentleman, it is I, Yue, who have recently recovered from a most grevious injury. I--hey! Wh-wh-what the hell?"

The backstage crew clapped their hands over their ears when they heard a loud, feminine shriek coming from the stage.

For Yue had slipped on the 503 banana peels scattered carelessly all over the stage. Had he chosen a less flamboyant and awkward garment to wear, he might not have ended up in the hospital with a broken hip bone and a motley collection of bruises.

Yue was confined to the wheelchair for another few months.

And guess who took over Yue's job?

Eriol swept off all of the banana peels near the podium and beamed into the spotlight. "The Eighth Act of Intertwined will now begin!"

End of Intro

Syaoran woke and sat up, feeling groggy. He rubbed a lump on the back of his head and squinted his eyes, groaning slightly.

"Finally! Now you're awake, you bastard."

Syaoran turned his head towards the source of the noise.

Sakura was sitting at the kitchen table, smiling smugly. A spoonful of an unappetizing multicolored mass was halfway to her mouth.

"What the hell is that?" Syaoran sat up. His emerald eyes narrowed.

Sakura smiled again. Syaoran felt irritated. The smile was starting to become vaguely annoying...

"Don't worry your purty little head over it, YaoYao. It's a lovely mixture of Vitamin B, Vitamin A, and Calcium tablets. Oh, and how can I forget? I've also added some dried apricot, prunes, and pickles. Of course, everything is held together by some lovely Granny Joe's syrup. Want some?"

Syaoran cautiously advanced to the mixing bowl and peered into it. The tablets and dried fruit were swimming in the syrup, creating horrible lumps of colorful balls.

"Um...no thanks," Syaoran said, backing off and vaguely fearing for Sakura's sanity. _Well...at least she's eating vitamins. That can't be too bad..._

Sakura smiled and stuffed the spoonful into her mouth. A dollop of syrup dripped from her mouth as she spoke and fell onto her shirt. "No problem, dearie," she said. Only it sounded like, "Whoa women, rearing."

Syaoran raised an eyebrow but stared at Sakura's chest. "NOOO!" he cried, grabbing the huge balls of cotton with his hands.

Syaoran stopped as he felt the cottony springiness in his hands. He then ripped Sakura's shirt off and pulled off her bra.

White cotton fluff flew into the air.

"So..." Syaoran smirked evilly as he watched the fluff settle on the floor.

Sakura gulped.

"I, my friend, am going to go through a major makeover."

-----

Sakura paced impatiently in front of the door.

Syaoran had locked himself in the bedroom and refused to let Sakura in.

She sighed and chewed her fingernail. She didn't even feel like eating the lovely mixture of fruity candy, syrup, and Jolly Ranchers anymore. _Idiot, _she thought, momentarily smirking as she thought of Syaoran's gullibility. _He thought they were vitamins and dried fruit...he's so dumb._

Her smile quickly fell off her face when she realized that Syaoran was still in the bedroom and going through an extreme makeover.

"Oh Kinomoto..."

Sakura whipped her head around.

Syaoran stood in front of her, wearing a large trenchcoat.

"I'm ready to go find those magicians, Kinomoto."

Sakura eyed him suspiciously. Then she immediately saw through his disguise.

"Open up your coat."

Syaoran's eyes widened.

"Do it. NOW!"

Syaoran made a puppy dog face and shook his head.

Sakura reached his side in a minute and opened his coat.

Syaoran was wearing a hot pink string bikini.

Sakura closed her eyes and counted to 200.

"Go back in there and change, or else I'm going to take a walk outside. Naked."

-----

After Sakura had made sure that Syaoran was properly attired in a large white sweater and baggy pants, they set off for Old Tokyo.

Syaoran was driving the car and he was behaving quite well, but that only made Sakura even more suspicious. He had a secret little smile on his face that she recognized as a sign of misbehavior...or something even worse.

They had been driving for about an hour when Syaoran suddenly swerved off the road and onto a smaller one. Humming slightly, he turned into a large parking lot.

"Hey," said Sakura, looking at the large supermarket that stood in front of them, "this isn't anywhere near Old Tokyo. There's still another fifteen minutes to go, baka."

Syaoran nodded but hurriedly ran out of the car, yelling over his shoulder, "Bathroom break! Bladder is killing me!"

Sakura rolled her eyes and shouted after him, "Don't look!"

Then she leaned back in her seat and growled. "Women," she said, shaking her head. "So much liquid sloshing around in their bowels."

-----

After waiting for fifteen minutes, Sakura had had enough. She strolled out of the car and into the supermarket, looking around. Sighing, she ventured timidly over to the crappy romantic fiction section.

"SYAORAN LI. I REPEAT. SYAORAN LI. REPORT TO THE FRONT DESK IMMEDIATELY. YOUR MOTHER IS VERY WORRIED."

Sakura jumped when she heard the cool female voice blare on the supermarket's sound system. _Mother? But mine--_then Sakura was off, running for the front desk.

"SYAORRRAAANNN!"

Sakura's jaw dropped.

Syaoran, or what seemed to be Syaoran, was running/waddling towards her with arms outstretched. The funny thing was, Syaoran now looked to be about fifty years old. What's more, his pants were now plump and sagging with the weight of...flab, and her sweater was also packed to the maximum with...flab. Sakura's eyes wandered to Syaoran's chest and she groaned mentally. Syaoran's chest was large...and sagging.

She braced herself for the sudden impact but felt none. Instead she felt something squishy on her body. She stepped back, shocked.

"Oh, Syaorrraannn," Syaoran said, smirking as he slobbered kisses all over Sakura's face, "don't you ever do that to Mommy again, Syaoran. I told you to wait outside the bathroom while I went in to fix my bra, but when I come outside, you're gone! Did you leave because a stranger offered you candy? Don't follow strangers with candy!" He spanked Sakura's rear end slightly.

Sakura stood still, shocked as Syaoran stroked her hair. He smiled to the personnel standing, amused, behind the Customer Service desk. "Syaoran is a special child," he said, smirking. "He wet his bed last night! Imagine, a twenty year-old man wetting his bed! And he also poopoos into a diaper. An economy-sized diaper, of course. A baby diaper would be too small for my Syaoran, wouldn't it?"

Syaoran ruffled Sakura's hair affectionately. Then he held her hand and pulled her towards the girl seated behind the Information desk.

"You know, I was have the worst body odor and breath in the morning. Just this morning I was speaking to my little son here when he suddenly said to me, 'Mommy, your armpit smells like my doodoo! Mommy, your breath smells like bad milk. Mommy, maybe you should brush your teeth.' Can you imagine? He's the sweetest child, but sometimes his humor is quite hurtful."

Syaoran pulled out a handkerchief spotted with Barbie dolls. "You see, my employer fired me because I had too much cellulite. He said he wanted prettier girls to play with, but I'm pretty, aren't I?"

The salesgirl smirked superiorly and nodded.

Syaoran stopped sniffing and folded the handkerchief. Then he smiled at the Barbie dolls on the handkerchief. "Awwn, my little Syaoran here loves his Barbie dolls, right Syaoran?"

Sakura stood frozen.

"He likes to make them put on dresses and go-go boots. He's been obsessed with them since he was four years old," Syaoran said, the very image of a proud mother.

The salesgirl smiled and said, "Would Syaoran like a lollipop for being a good boy and coming to the front desk?"

Syaoran smiled and grabbed the lollipop from her hands. He stuffed it into Sakura's mouth. "Take it. It's your favorite flavor, Syaoran. Cotton Candy Pink."

Then Syaoran smiled even wider and patted the shoulder of the salesgirl. "Say...how about we go out tonight, baby? I want some body heat."

The salesgirl's eyes widened and stepped away from the old-looking woman with a sagging body and chest. When Syaoran touched her hand, she shrieked and slapped his chest by accident.

Unfortunately, she had slapped too hard, because a yellow stain began spreading onto Syaoran's sweater. Also, it looked as if one of his...chest protrusions had gone down considerably. It was extremely strange to see a woman with only one sagging...thing.

Syaoran smiled weakly and grabbed Sakura's hand.

"The eggs broke," he said, by way of explanation, and the two ran out of the building.

Customers who had witnessed the extraordinary event stared at each other.

"God, I swear. Those two are a pair of fuckin' lunatics," one man said, shaking his head.

-----

Sakura popped a marshmallow into her mouth and turned left.

"Comfortable?" she asked, smiling sweetly.

"Mmph..." Syaoran said, having been bound, gagged, and thoroughly silenced.

Sakura threw the last empty bag of marshmallows into the backseat and burped.

"That plan of yours was ingenious, Syaoran. But I think I'm even more of a genius, right?"

Syaoran nodded mutely.

"Stuffing your baggy sweater and pants with marshmallows and balloons was a good idea, but I figured you out in the end, dearie. And putting eggs into my Wonderbra! Goodness, you're becoming more and more feminine with each passing hour."

Syaoran could only roll his eyes.

"You know, maybe you have a future career as makeup artist. Those wrinkles you drew on my face really did make you look sixty years old."

Syaoran shrugged.

"Okay, here we are, in Old Tokyo! Now what do we do?"

-----

"Um...excuse me?"

Sakura tapped the shoulder of a black-haired man.

"What!" he snapped, irritated.

"Do you happen to know where the Magicians are?"

He gave them the once-over, the pointed silently down the road.

"Thank you."

The man grunted in response.

Syaoran trotted glumly after Sakura. "Damn...I hate this place."

Sakura trod on his foot. "Not so loud, buster."

Syaoran's eyes resembled Brock's (from Pokemon). "But they keep pointing that way! We're going to be traversing the entire Old Tokyo if we don't be careful."

Sakura grabbed his face close to hers and hissed, "I'm willing to do that if it means I get my body back. In case you didn't notice, Li, your body sucks."

Syaoran tutted loudly. "Well, you're beautiful, aren't you?"

Sakura raised her nose in the air. "As a matter of fact, I most certainly am."

Syaoran rolled his eyebrows. "You walk too much like a woman. Stop swaying your nonexistent hips."

"Yeah? Well you should stop walking like a horse. Your back keeps dipping up and down. Exude your feminine beauty..." Sakura sashayed off down the road, wiggling her hips and batting her eyelashes.

She stopped short when she heard an approving whistle. "Man oh man, you have got quite an ass!"

Syaoran froze as well.

A blue-haired man wearing sunglasses and a large gold chain was staring at Sakura's rear end. "Yo, you available?"

"Erm...no?" Sakura said, her voice squeaky and high.

"You don't sound very sure," the blue-haired man said, looking out at her from above his glasses.

"He is sure," Syaoran snapped, giving the man a hard look.

The blue-haired man grinned. "Yo, are you like her dominatrix or somethin'? You're quite cute also. I'd do you if I weren't attracted to the same sex."

Syaoran looked quite green. Sakura mustered her courage and said, "Sir...umm...do you happen to know by any chance where the Magicians are?"

The blue-haired man's engaging demeanor suddenly dropped like dead flies. "Now why would you want to know about them?"

Syaoran eyed him, having detected the quick change in his manner. "Do you know something more than you're letting on?"

The blue-haired man smiled.

Syaoran clutched at Sakura. The blue-haired man looked freaky smiling.

"I know you," the blue-haired man whispered quietly to them, "and I know what you have to do to get back."

The two of them stood still, wrapped in an embrace.

"Learn to love the one you think you detest, and all will be well."

He turned quickly and walked away down the street, moving faster than either Sakura or Syaoran would have warranted.

-----

Outro

_onstage_

Eriol ran onto the stage and ripped off his shirt.

"Yeah, you like that right!" He jumped up and down. "You know you love me!"

The audience whispered at the sight of Eriol's hairy chest. None of them had ever seen a chest covered with blue hair, so it was quite an educational experience.

End of Outro

_offstage_

Dreamer: So, new chapter? How did it go?

Eriol: Did you like my cameo? Huh, huh, huh? Didja?

Dreamer: wacks Eriol on head with a mallet Shut up, you bum. You aren't getting any pay for 6 months after what you did to Yue.

(Eriol saunters off, saying Awww...)

Dreamer: clears throat Sugar highs and cravings in the next chapter! Oh yes, to **Avelyn Lauren**, thank you for your suggestion. It never occured to me, thick-headed as I am, to do that. I probably will in a couple of chapters...we'll see.


	9. Act IX

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: **See my profile page

**Act IX**

Well, it's amazing--already I have to use the Roman Numeral X. More interesting, however, is the comparison between the numbers on my Stats List: it seems that I've received about 2000 hits for the story but only 72 reviews. Oh, the irony.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: When I refer to Syaoran, I mean Syaoran in Sakura's body. When Syaoran says "Syaoran" in public, he's actually calling Sakura that. He can't call Sakura in Syaoran's body "Sakura", because everyone sees that Sakura is in a guy's body.

Intro

_offstage_

Spinel sniffed the innocuous-looking cat food.

_Hmmm...this seems okay..._he circled the food warily, licking his chops. _Can't sense anything funny about it._

He wolfed it down, and his eyes bugged.

What seemed to be the brown pellets of cat food were, in reality, large chunks of chocolate and peanut butter, rolled together in a sugar-fest.

Nakura giggled from her place behind the curtains. She slapped Eriol's hand and whispered, "We sure got him this time!"

_onstage_

The audience buzzed excitedly as they watched the midnight blue cat bounce onstage.

"Oh, hello!" Spinel looked out at the audience, smiling goofily.

"I'm just a little blue pllllluuuuusssshhiiee, learning how to roller-skate," he sang, opera-style, to the tune of "I Love You" from Barney.

The audience looked at his paws and saw that, indeed, they were snugly encased in a pair of red in-line roller-skates. Some giggled while others rolled their eyes, calling Spinel an "...awful old geyser with no taste at all. Can't he see that his bright red skates clash with his blue fur? The nerve of that old crackpot kitty..."

Dreamer looked up from her writing and rolled her eyes.

Spinel began to sing a rousing song, "_99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! You take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall..." _

Finally, dreamer had enough. She pulled off her high-heels and threw them at Spinel.

_THUNK_

Dreamer stepped out onstage and pushed Spinel's body aside. "Ahem...excuse me. The ninth act of Intertwined will now begin."

End of Intro

Sakura looked at Syaoran.

Syaoran looked at Sakura.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The pigeons flew off the building while the denizens of Old Tokyo rolled their eyes. "Idiots..." they muttered under their breath. Then they pulled off their sunglasses and threw them onto the floor together.

Syaoran looked at Sakura again. "EWWWW! I'm not Narcissus! No way am I going to learn to love you. I'd be loving myself! And I'd have to change my sexuality, because I'm not a homosexual!"

Sakura wished Syaoran wasn't so dumb. "You dumb ass! You have to fall in love with me, as in with my personality!"

Syaoran stopped ranting. The vein in his forehead stopped throbbing. He became less scary. "Oh. I see. I have to fall in love with your personality. But hey--" here he stopped and looked vampire-like "--that's even worse! No way am I falling in love with some...chick who's a dirt bag."

Sakura immediately fired up. "Well excuse me, do you think it's easy for me to love something like you?"

Syaoran bristled. "Something? How am I a thing?"

"Yeah! You know what? You really are just a thing! Just a piece of muscled meat with no thinking capability or anything! And besides, you're so hairy you could pass for the Yemi."

"A what?" Syaoran asked incredulously.

"A Yemi! You know, or maybe you don't, about those hairy things that are reputed to live in the Himalayas," Sakura said, her face livid and crimson.

Syaoran stopped short. "Yemi? Oh, you mean a Yeti! Hahahaha, you don't even know that it's a Yeti, not a Yemi!"

Sakura turned an even darker shade of red. "Shut up...it's not my fault I had a lisp back then..."

Syaoran stopped howling long enough to register this in his mind. "You had a lisp?"

He started laughing even harder, imagining Kinomoto with a lisp.

"It's not funny...how would you like it if people made fun of you for speaking funny?" Sakura asked, her voice slightly unstable.

Syaoran stopped laughing when he realized that Sakura was serious.

Sakura turned away from him, shaking her head. Even now her childhood memories stung.

"Hey..." Syaoran broached hesitantly, reaching his hand out to her. "If it's any consolation, my five sisters used to make me dress up in these long, silky Chinese dresses that had a slit up the side. And they used to put makeup on my face and put my hair up in pigtails. Then they would introduce me to their friends as their little transvestite brother. Like I even knew what transvestitism was back then. I barely knew when my fly was open!" Syaoran clapped his hand to his mouth. _Oops...I think I've said too much. _

Sakura spun around. "You have sisters? Oh, then that explains a lot. Your feminine streak, for example."

"HUH?" Syaoran jumped up and stared at her. "What? I don't have a feminine streak! It's just that you're in my body, and my body's starting to look feminine. I don't have a choice in the matter."

Sakura batted her eyelashes at him. "Of course you don't..." She turned away from him mysteriously.

"What does that mean?" Syaoran ran to look her in the face.

Sakura giggled. "I happen to know from a very reliable source that you had a Brazilian bikini wax two months ago."

Syaoran put his hand to his forehead as he recalled the rather painful experience. "Oh yeah...that. It hurt like hell, man."

He stopped short. "Wait! You didn't hear that from me! Besides, it was a dare! Nanako was the one who dared me!"

He heard Sakura's laughter down the road.

"Bet you can't catch me!" she cried, smirking. Syaoran could feel her smugness contaminating the air around him.

"Oh no you don't! I'm going to beat you back to the car! And if you don't stop running, I'll drop kick you into oblivion!" Syaoran called after her. The mists of Old Tokyo enveloped him as he ran towards her.

---------

Sakura greedily slurped up the noodles, stuffing her face (literally) into the bowl.

Syaoran sweat dropped as he watched her tuck heartily into her food. He sipped some tea and quickly spat it out.

"Ew...what the hell is this shit..." he muttered to himself.

He immediately recoiled when he felt something hit him on the head.

"What the--"

"Hey you!"

Syaoran looked at the family sitting at the table across from them.

"Yeah?" he growled.

The nanny glowered at him. "Listen girl, I'm a whip yo' ass if you dare talk like that again in front of my little boy!"

Syaoran stared at the six month old baby boy sitting in her lap. "Woman, listen. First of all, that 'boy' is still in diapers. He can't even understand curses. Second of all, you were the one who just said 'ass.' So don't berate me, you bloody hypocrite."

The nanny pulled on her leather gloves. "Wanna talk to these?" She balled her hands into a fist and held them in front of Syaoran's face.

Syaoran narrowed his eyes. "They aren't intimidating at all, fat ass!"

The nanny's eyes disappeared into slits. "What did you just call me?" She pulled a nasty-looking instrument out of her bag.

Syaoran's eyes widened at the sight of it. It was a foot-long pole with two-inch long tweezers at the top. For the umpteenth time, he cursed the fact that he was stuck in a woman's body without being able to grope it, or develop muscles. _I can't take on this elephant without my muscles! _

"Uh...I think I better get going..." His hands scrabbled for Sakura's shoulder.

"Oh no you don't, girl..." The nanny clicked the tweezers threateningly. "You ain't going nowhere until we settle this shit."

Syaoran had a sudden image of himself, bare-bottomed and red-faced, being slapped on his rear end by the nanny. He closed his eyes. It was too horrifying to think of.

"Hey, what's the problem?" Sakura had finally taken her face out of her bowl and had stood up.

The nanny gestured wildly at Sakura. "Listen, boy, you better control yo' wife's filthy mouth! It's so dirty I need an economy-sized bar of soap to clean it out!"

Sakura raised her eyebrows.

Syaoran waved weakly at her and smiled.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I don't appreciate being called 'boy' by you, Nanny, so excuse you. And second of all, your mouth is none too clean yourself."

Syaoran nodded his head empathetically. "Yeah, what she said!"

Sakura continued. "However, I agree with you. She is out of line. But you must excuse her. She just got out of the hospital."

Syaoran nodded again, glad that Sakura was agreeing with him. Unfortunately, he wasn't paying any attention to what Sakura was saying. "My point. Exactly."

Sakura smirked slightly. "You really must excuse her for her unstable behavior. The psychologist discovered that she has a mental disorder that causes her to be an aggressive sex fiend."

Syaoran froze when he took in Sakura's words. "Hey!"

The nanny looked at Sakura. "So…basically…she's been hitting on me the entire time?"

Sakura nodded reassuringly. "Yes. This is how she attempts to assert her power, you know. By being aggressive to members of her own sex." She steered Syaoran away from the nanny. "I apologize. She's just mentally unstable." She then waved a cheerful bye-bye at the nanny and continued to steer Syaoran up to the front desk.

The nanny nodded satisfactorily. "So basically, she's an asshole. Even her husband knows that. Right. Gotcha."

She then looked down at her young charge. "Bob, you must never marry a crazy dominatrix like that. Understand? If you ever see a woman wearing 50 pounds of black leather and carrying a long whip, she's too much for you to handle."

----------

Syaoran fumed in the car. "I can't believe you let her think I'm from the damn hospital!"

Sakura shrugged. "Hey, would you rather be stabbed by a pair of tweezers or have her think you're a sex fiend?"

Syaoran considered this thoughtfully for a few moments. "You're right. Besides, this just further establishes my reputation as a sex god." He smoothed back his hair and grinned wickedly.

Sakura rolled her eyes but forced a smile on her face. "That's right. You're learning, YaoYao."

Syaoran shrugged off her hand. "Don't call me that."

Sakura smiled serenely.

----------

Sakura pushed open the door of her apartment and sighed. She was ready to go to bed after such a tiring day. _Love a beast like Syaoran...yeah right! _

She gasped when she saw Nanako sitting on the couch.

"Nanako?"

His head jerked up.

"Nanako, what are you doing here?"

He stood up, his blue eyes stormy.

"Syaoran, we need to talk."

Sakura gulped slightly.

----------

"I'm home!"

Syaoran walked into the apartment and grinned, seeing Tomoyo in a minidress and a flowered apron. _Damn...she looks--_Syaoran slapped himself.

Tomoyo walked up to him and touched his face. "Sakura...I'm concerned about you...why are you slapping yourself?"

Syaoran grinned and shrugged. "Because I feel like it?" He stopped grinning when he realized how idiotic he sounded.

Tomoyo raised her eyebrows. "Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh to you this morning. It's just...all you seem to be thinking about lately is food."

Syaoran envisioned Tomoyo standing before him clad in a slinky black dress--

"Er, right. Food. What kind of food?"

Tomoyo almost slapped her hand to her forehead in frustration, but stopped. "Food as in the kind of food you eat, Sakura."

_Don't say it. Don't-- _Before he could stop himself, a lascivious remark popped out of his mouth. "But there's also another type of food..." Syaoran wrapped his arm around Tomoyo's shoulders and leaned towards her, attempting to look down her shirt.

Tomoyo stared at the arm as though it was a snake. She noticed the direction of his eyes and gasped.

Syaoran immediately coughed and grinned sheepishly. "I, uh, I was just practicing my flirting skills."

Tomoyo nodded slowly. She would rather believe that than the other something which was beginning to creep into her mind...

"Right. Right," she said, stepping slowly away from him and subconsciously pulling the skirt of her dress down further, "Listen, um, dinner is ready."

Syaoran smiled like a wax dummy and bobbed his head until she left. Then he banged his head on the wall, muttering, "Must. Not. Flirt. Or. Look. At. Kinomoto's. Best. Friend."

----------

"Listen."

Sakura continued to stare at the floor.

"I saw your other self in the mall today."

She looked up, confused. _What? _

Nanako took a deep breath and continued. "You were wearing a short auburn wig and green contact lenses. But you embraced me and called me 'NaNa.' Syaoran, only our friends know my nickname. Don't try to deny it, that was you."

Sakura put her head into her hands and did some quick mental thinking. Then she hit on it--Li was wearing Men's clothing today. They must have run into each other at the department store or something.

"NaNa...that wasn't me," she said quickly, prepared to use a sob story, "that was this man who was secretly spying on me. He had a secret obsession with me. Remember that creepy guy we met at the gym a couple of weeks ago?" Sakura prayed Nanako would buy the cheap excuse.

Nanako glared at her. "I don't know what you're talking about. There's no creepy guy!"

Sakura nodded her head vehemently. "Yes there was! There was a creepy guy who kept hitting on me. He told me that he liked men with big muscles!"

Nanako gave him a look.

"Yes, yes! So yesterday this guy said to me, 'I've stalked you for a really long time. Now give me the names of your friends or else I'll put up these videos of your naked ass on the Internet!'" Sakura said, hoping he would listen to her.

His eyes narrowed. "YaoYao, you're feeding me bullshit. I don't believe any of this. And until you can tell me the truth, we're not friends anymore."

He got up and left the apartment.

Sakura sighed and sat back in her chair. _Stupid, stupid Li. Wait--that's it! That's the solution to this problem! Maybe Nanako will like me again..._Quickly, Sakura sat down and began to formulate a plan.

----------

Outro

Nakuru bounced onto the stage, smiling as though the entire world was watching.

"Hey guys, it's me, Nakuru! And dreamer hopes you guys enjoyed the play, because I sure didn't. Where's my cameo, dreamer? How come Eriol has one?" Nakuru asked angrily.

Dreamer yelled, from the backstage, "It's because you're too flighty. If you could remember your lines I would give you a cameo!"

Nakura put a finger to her mouth. "Oh. Oh well! Sugar! Sugar, sugar, sugar!"

She hopped offstage and the curtain fell.

----------

Dreamer: Hey guys...so I've decided to let more of the CCS cast go onstage and introduce the acts. What do you guys think of that?

Eriol: I think it's crappy. Less of my stage time!

wacks Eriol with heavy book filled with Intertwined Acts Dreamer: Shut up, you. You're not getting any stage time for what you did to Yue and Spinel.

(Eriol walks away, rubbing his head.)

Dreamer: Oops. I certainly hope he doesn't get amnesia...hehehe. Not that I would mind. Thanks for reading! Oh yeah, and thanks to those who have reviewed. I really appreciate it.

Dreamer: Oh yeah, one last thing. There's going to be a shift now. So far, I've been holding up the Humor in this, but there has been no Romance yet. Don't worry, it's coming. After all, Romance is the primary category. It's coming soon...and it might be hitting you guys hard...

Next Act: What is Sakura's infamous plan? Will the action start picking up? Stay tuned!


	10. Act X

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: **See my profile page.

**Act X **

Intro

_offstage_

Yue had enough.

He was sick and tired of being out of the spotlight.

After escaping from the hospital by (gasp) seducing the nurses (yes, Yue does have a libido/sex drive), Yue had wheeled himself full speed back to the auditorium.

"Dreamer!" he whispered very loudly when he wheeled into the offstage scenery, "I'm back!"

Dreamer dropped the book she held. "Ow!" she cried, rubbing her big toe slightly. "Yue?" she said, staring agape at the silver-haired magician.

"Sh!" he hissed, narrowing his eyes, "I just escaped from the hospital! I've come to get revenge on Hiiragizawa..." with that, his eyes gleamed vengefully.

"I will catch Hiiragizawa. Then I will put on my lacy lavender gloves, the ones Daidouji-san gave to me. Then I will..." Yue's thin tongue licked his lips as he continued his plan for revenge.

To spare herself from having nightmares, dreamer stopped listening and shuddered, not wanting to listen to the sordid details of Yue's revenge.

Yue kept babbling on and on. Finally, dreamer grew tired of granting Yue offstage time, so she snapped Pippi Longstocking's peppermint-striped stocking in his face.

"Ow?" Yue said intelligently (NOT). "Hey, where did you get that?" he asked, staring at the flamboyant stocking in awe.

"A certain little girl gave it to me," dreamer explained. "Erm...you see, Yue, uh..."

"Spit it out," Yue glared at her.

Dreamer scratched her head. "There's a limit to the amount of Intro time we have. If we exceed that limit, then I'm afraid we have to cut."

"Oh."

Dreamer sighed. "You may have to cut some of your revenge tactics against Eriol."

"Oh."

They stood there for three seconds.

"Well then what are you waiting for! Intro time is very precious!" Dreamer shouted, angry that Yue was being so slow.

Yue quickly wheeled away, stealthily creeping into the shadows of the offstage woodwork. He saw Suppi-chan and headed towards him.

"Psst! Suppi-chan! Can you hand me my lavender lace gloves?"

Spinel's eyebrows nearly shot off his skin when he raised them quickly. "Yue? You're back?"

"Yes, back for revenge! Now hurry, I don't have that much time."

Suppi hurriedly reached into his boxers and pulled out the lace gloves.

"You keep them in there?" Yue wrinkled his nose as he took the gloves from the furry blue creature.

"Yes, it's the only place that is completely Nakuru-proof. The odor repells her, you know." Spinel winked roguishly, if winking roguishly was possible for the stoic faced creature.

Yue decided he did not want to know further details, so he took them and put them on. He felt the return of power to his body and laughed maniacally.

"Was that good?" he asked Spinel, who raised a furry blue eyebrow.

"Well...I don't know...those weeks of hospitalization seem to have damaged your vocal cords..."

Yue smiled grimly. "All the more reason to hurry up and kick Eriol's $$."

He hurriedly wheeled away from a very shocked Suppi and went onstage.

_onstage_

Eriol adjusted his Stevie Wonder sunglasses and grinned. But before he could say anything, someone shrieked, "Look! There's Yue!"

(COLLECTIVE GASP FROM AUDIENCE)

Eriol's grin dropped off his face like a fish dropping into a vat of oil. "Whhhhaaaa'?"

Yue smiled sinisterly.

Eriol gulped. Feel sorry for him, people. For a smiling Yue is never a good sign, especially when he's wearing the one and only pair of lacy lavender gloves given to him by Daidouji-san. (Tomoyo-chan to the rest of us. Sonomi could never be able to accept a latent metro sexual with open arms, even if he is just a latent metro sexual.)

"Miss me, babe?" Yue asked, still smiling sickeningly.

Eriol smiled weakly. "Yeah, of course, sugar face. I missed you like...I miss your thongs!"

Bad idea.

Eriol ran screaming bloody murder while Yue wheeled after him, saying, "The Tenth Act of Intertwined will now begin!"

End of Intro

Sakura yawned and rubbed her eyes.

It had been a week since the episode in Old Tokyo.

She and Li had called and visited each other daily, checking up on domestic affairs. Their conversation had been forced, polite, and distant. Sakura knew she was quite repellent of the prospect of having to fall in love with Li. As far as she knew, he was also quite repellent of that fact as well.

She grinned as she recalled the details of her infamous Plan...

_"Listen Li, you have to agree to this!" Sakura shouted, "Do you want your friends to think you're an in-the-closet drag queen if and when we switch back?" _

_Syaoran scratched his head. "But at the same time, I don't want my friends to think that my girlfriend is some crazy, wacked up crack queen!" _

_Sakura threw her hands into the air. "I am not some crazy wacked up crack queen!" _

_"Oh yes you are!" Syaoran countered, his eyes flashing dangerously. _

_"Am not!" _

_"Are too!" _

_"Am not!" _

_"Are too!" _

_"Am not!" _

_"Crazy wacked up crack queen, crazy wacked up crack queen! crazy racked rup crack qrueen, craywee racked rup rac reen!" _

_Sakura scratched her head. "New tongue twister, huh?" _

_Syaoran nodded. "Yeah. Hey, can you do Peter Piper?" _

_"Yeah! Listen: Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Peter Piper picked a pickled peppers! Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!" _

_Syaoran raised an eyebrow. "Impressive. Try 'She sells seashells at the seashore'." _

_"She sells seashells at the seashore. She sells seashells at the seashore. She sells sheshells at the sheshore--Agh!" _

_Syaoran sniggered unfeelingly. "Hey, you do it pretty well for a person who had a lisp." _

_Sakura glowered. "I should never have let that slip," she muttered. _

_Seconds passed. _

_"Hey...you evaded the subject..." she said, looking wounded. "You tricked me! You made me go off on a useless tangent!" _

_Syaoran sniggered again (although he hadn't intended for things to work out the way they did). "You're such a fool, Kinomoto." _

_Sakura cracked her knuckles. "Listen," she began very seriously, "I have a brother who's talented in the areas of the martial arts. He's also a professional soccer player. If you continue to refuse to cooperate with me, I'll send him to you in wrapping paper and a large bow." _

_"Wrapping paper?" Syaoran asked, genuinely interested, "Oooh, my sisters like wrapping paper too. If you are going to send your oh-so-mighty brother to me, please do not send him in 'The Little Mermaid' wrapping paper. I think I'm above that little kid stuff." _

_"'The Little Mermaid'? Okay, that's what I think I'm going to get, just to spite you," Sakura said, grinning evilly. "Besides, I think my brother might like that. He's had a silly little infatuation with that Ariel character from the movie." _

_Syaoran's eyes misted over. "Oh yeah, she is a hot little number. That seashell bra--OW!" _

_"You dirty pervert, Li!" Sakura's eyes smoldered. She continued hitting him on the head with her Wonderbra. "Twisted, sick thoughts!" _

_Syaoran managed to dodge the ill-aimed blows. "Hey, it's not like your brother has never voiced any of those dirty thoughts!" _

_Sakura continued hitting him. "That's not the point!" _

_"Okay, Okay," Syaoran said, hands held out placatingly. "You know what? You're just jealous that you can't get with the Prince, and Ariel did!" _

_Dead silence. _

_Syaoran whistled nervously. _

_"Li." _

_He gulped. _

_"If you intend to live, then you better comply with my plans." _

_He nodded quickly. _

_"You better comply like a meek little lamb." _

_He became a bobble-head doll. _

_"Now." _

_His head nearly snapped off his neck. _

_Yet, true to his family genes, Syaoran could not resist making one last smartass remark. _

_"Um...Kinomoto...it's okay. Um...even if you can't get the Prince, Sebastian the crab is still available. He has two very pointy claws. I know how girls like pointy things." _

----------

Sakura rolled her eyes and groaned, burying her face in the pillow. It was amazing how dumb/perverted Li could be, even in the worst and most life-threatening of situations (which he was in at the moment).

In the end, Sakura had forced him into a very tight leather minidress and some high-heeled stilettos. Then she had coerced (well, maybe threatened him at high-heel point) into showing her the way to Nanako's apartment. Fortunately, everyone was there at his apartment when the two of them got there. Sakura had then introduced Syaoran to his friends as her girlfriend, effectively quashing any drag queen suspicions that Nanako and the others harbored. Then Syaoran had to endure several hours of his friends' appreciative stares, while trying not to scream out, "I'm stuck in a girl's body and I can't grope it! Stop staring at me like I'm some kind of sex kitten!" Which was, of course, entirely Sakura's intention. She had smirked at him every time he had flashed her an all-suffering look.

Sakura sighed and smirked satisfactorily. Ever since that fateful day a week ago, Li had become increasingly cool and distant to her. Sakura supposed it was because of the incident with his friends, but she couldn't feel any guilt. After all, Li wouldn't want his friends to think he was a drag queen...would he? She shrugged. Whatever. It was his problem, not hers. Yet as the days went on, Sakura felt that they would be stuck forever in each other's bodies.

_Love? Love my ass..._She flopped down again on her bed and drifted off to sleep again.

----------

The doorbell rang.

Syaoran sat up and yawned, lazily stretching his arms. After telling Tomoyo he had been indefinitely expelled from the premises of Tokyo Corp, she had clucked sympathetically and made him a large and fragrant meal. Since he was now restraining himself from staring at her body and had started holding conversations with her that lasted longer than 15 seconds, Tomoyo had become her usual, chirpy self.

"All right, I'm coming!" Syaoran growled, yanking on a robe and putting his feet in large pink furry slippers. He knew he looked like a preschooler, but that was okay, because the image he had of Kinomoto was that of a 4 year-old little girl, judging from her lack of chest development.

Speaking of Kinomoto, Syaoran launched into a mental tirade--

DINGDONG! _BAMBAMBAM!_

The doorbell ripped its way through Syaoran's insult-fest of the girl he so detested.

Muttering a few words under his breath, Syaoran reached the door and opened it.

He raised his eyebrow when he saw a tall, scowling young man standing on the doormat. He had dark brown eyes and even darker hair.

"Can I help you?" Syaoran asked coolly. He highly doubted that this man was one of Kinomoto's suitors, as her lack of chest protrusions would not attract her any members of the opposite sex.

"Don't play games with me, kaijuu," the man said before attempting to push into the apartment. "I just traveled on the train for seven hours, and this is how you greet me?"

"WHOA!" Syaoran yelled, pushing the man away from the door, "Don't rape me! I'm not at all well-endowed in the chest! Besides, do you have like an STD or AIDS or something? Because I want to live for a few more years, at the very least!"

The other man's face took on a slight tinge of green. "Kaijuu," he said through gritted teeth, "I would never, ever rape you. Not even if Kaho begged on her knees with tears crawling down her face."

Now it was Syaoran's turn to be confused. "So...how do I know you?" he said, attempting to be nonchalant.

The man's eyes darkened. "Kaijuu," he said, taking Syaoran's shoulders in his hands, "are you all right? I mean, how can you not know your own brother?"

Syaoran knew he would be better off pretending that his entire act was a joke. He laughed falsely and patted Kinomoto's brother's arm.

"How _can_ I not know you, John?" he said, praying that his name was the generic John Smith.

The man's eyes darkened even more, if that was possible. "Sakura, snap out of it. It's not funny, can't you see you're scaring me? Come on, Touya's here."

_Touya. _Brilliant. A name. _Nasty, common name it is, _thought Syaoran, wrinkling his nose in distaste.

The other man poked his nose. "Hey, don't do that, kaijuu, it makes you look more like a pig than you already do."

Syaoran rubbed his nose resentfully and moved aside slightly to allow Touya--no, Kinomota, into the apartment.

He closed the door.

"So, Ki--er, Touya, what brings you here?" Syaoran moved towards the kitchen.

"Hey! You bitch, why did you steal my breakfast?" Syaoran ran to the table and his eyes widened.

"NOOOO! You bastard! You stole all of my beautiful breakfast that Tomoyo made! FOR ME! FOR ME, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!" Syaoran stared at the empty plate and almost cried.

Kinomota stared with wide eyes. "Kaijuu, I haven't had a thing to eat since yesterday. I mean, I know you're a selfish person, but not even you are THAT selfish. Cut your old Onii-chan some slack, okay?"

_Stupidstupid Kinomota! _Syaoran narrowed his eyes but sighed. "Okay, fine. But you know what? You're just a--a--a--" Syaoran struggled to find a word that encompassed the evilness of Touya's crime--"a--a--a butt head! Yeah! You're just a butt head!"

Kinomota raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, whatever. Why aren't you at work?"

"I--" Suddenly, a brilliant idea popped into Syaoran's mind. Let Kinomoto have a taste of her own medicine...

----------

_RingRing, ringring! _

Sakura sat up, having slept for more than an hour.

"'Ello?"

"Hi."

"Li?"

"Yup, it's me."

Sakura frowned. Li sounded unusually cheery, which was a bad thing for Sakura.

"What now?"

"Tsk. Listen, Kinomoto, Kin--_Touya_ is here."

Sakura's mouth dropped open. "_What? _Touya is there?"

"Yeah. And he stole my breakfast!"

Sakura winced. "Ouch. I would kill to have one of Tomoyo's breakfasts."

"I know, right? Those pancakes are worth dying for!"

"Mmhm! Most definitely. Has she made you some miso soup?"

"Nope. Not yet."

"Get her to. It's amazing."

"Thanks for telling me. Anyway...back to the issue at hand..."

Sakura tapped the earpiece against her head.

"I want to meet him," she said finally. "He's my brother, and he only comes once every two months."

Silence on the other end.

"Isn't that enough?"

Sakura shrugged. "He's very overprotective."

"Whatever. Come over right now and fill me in on your past history, okay? He keeps talking about your mom, and this lady named Kaho, whoever that is."

Silence.

"Kinomoto? Are you there?"

Syaoran hung up.

----------

_DINGDONG!_

Syaoran opened the door. "Finally you're here! Come on in."

Sakura entered and closed the door, glad she was back in her own apartment.

"And who is this?" Touya stood, five feet away from Sakura.

Sakura nearly ran towards him and hugged him, but she restrained herself. She had to maintain some level of decorum...

"This is my associate, Kin--Touya."

Touya raised his eyebrow. Sakura could tell from the look in his eyes that he was getting ready to rip her throat out.

"Hello, my name is Syaoran Li," she said, trying to keep her voice steady, "I am Ms. Kinomoto's associate at work."

Touya raised his eyebrow. "So you're the scumbag that got my sister suspended from the premises, huh?"

_What? _Sakura mentally screamed. "I do not understand," she said politely while glaring daggers at Syaoran. He waved and smirked.

Touya narrowed his eyes and rolled his fingers into a fist, punching his palm. "You were making provocative comments to my sister," he said, burning a hole in Sakura's face.

_Li. That bastard. He connived this, didn't he? _Struggling to keep her face calm, Sakura said, "I do not know what you are insinuating, sir. Please make your meaning clear."

Touya growled. Sakura winced. "Let me refresh your memory.'Ooh babe, you're so hot.' 'Ooh baby, come out with me this weekend?' 'Ooh baby, you are the hottest woman I've ever seen.' Does that sound familiar to you? I'm so glad my sister kicked you in the nuts. Even though her actions got her suspended, you still got suspended as well."

Sakura's jaw dropped. Flabbergasted, she asked, "WWWWHHHHAAATTTT?"

Touya's eyes narrowed. "You heard me. You made inappropriate comments to her! And she got you back by kicking you in the balls! Although she got suspended for assault, she got you suspended for sexual harassment!"

Sakura stared at Syaoran, who blushed slightly, but still smirked at her defiantly.

Then he pretended to cry. "Boohoo, wahhhhh! You hurt me so much, Kin--Li! I am so...wounded!"

"See how much damage you have caused!" Touya roared, getting angrier by the second.

Sakura raised her chin. "You know what, Ms. Kinomoto? You really are just a slimy little bitch! I don't want to fuck you, I've never want to fuck you, and I never ever will fuck you!" Then she clapped her hand over her mouth. Once again, she had acted purely on impulse.

Touya looked apoplectic with rage. "WWWWWHHHAAATTTT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

Sakura held up her hands Touya advanced on her.

"I'm going to make you pay for that..." Touya's face leaned threateningly close to her own.

Sakura gulped. "Um...Touya...listen...can't we just sit down and talk this over? I mean, really, your sister is quite attractive. She has a great body and a lovely chest—"

Then she stopped, too late. She had talked herself into a corner. And now she was at her own brother's mercy...

"OOOOWWWWW!"

Sakura doubled over, feeling an excruciating pain between her legs.

Syaoran's eyes widened. Had Kinomota just kicked his _magic stick?_

"NOOOOO!" Syaoran cried, kneeling next to a keeled over Sakura and speaking to the sensitive spot between her legs, "Magic Stick! Talk to me, darling, are you all right? Oh my God, I have to get a ruler and measure you, hopefully Kinomota's kicking you didn't shrink you--" He stopped short and pulled down Sakura's pants, struggling slightly with the belt buckle.

"Spandex? Oh my God, you idiot! Why are you wearing spandex? Don't you know that spandex kills sperm? Oh my God, little spermies! Are you okay? Do you feel good? You are so dumb! You're preventing me from passing on my flawless genes to the next generation!"

Meanwhile, Sakura was still feeling the waves of pain in between her legs. _Shut up Li,_ she thought desperately, _Owww...now I know why Akira winced the time that guy got kicked in the balls in that movie..._

Touya's looming shadow finally stopped Syaoran's ranting.

"Ahem...Sakura?" Touya said, smiling while displaying his teeth, "We need to talk. Now."

Syaoran got up, cursing himself for almost giving away their switch in bodies.

"What the fuck was that?" Touya asked, getting straight to the point of things.

Syaoran scratched his head sheepishly. "I know how much it hurts when you kick a guy's balls. I was just evincing some concern, I swear."

Touya raised his eyebrows. "I'm just going to pretend that I didn't see you kneeling near the guy and talking to his sperm."

Syaoran nodded fervently. "Please do."

Touya sighed. "I'm going to go to sleep now. Get that gaki out of the apartment, okay?"

Syaoran nodded, then looked for Sakura. "Hey--where is he?"

Touya rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Probably left. Anyway, I'm going to go sleep in your bedroom."

Syaoran nodded. "Right."

After Touya had gone into the bedroom, Syaoran sighed and went into the living room.

"Kinomoto?"

Sakura was sitting at the desk, surfing the Internet.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

Silence.

"You bastard," Sakura growled.

Syaoran sighed and looked over Sakura's shoulder. "'Metal Models of Testicles and Penises'," he read, wrinkling his nose. "What's this for? And why are you buying it from EBay? Don't you know you could be buying used diarrhea from them?"

Sakura's eyes were glued to the screen as she said, "I'm considering buying some metal armor for the penis and testicles. I never want to feel that sort of pain in my lower abdomen. Ever again."

Syaoran raised his eyebrow. "Well, I'll have you know that my Magic Stick is too big for any of the too-small armor sold on EBay."

Sakura raised her eyebrows. "Actually, I'll have you know that your so-called 'Magic Stick' fits perfectly into the smallest sizedarmor."

----------

Outro

Yue raised his arms in triumph. "I am returned to all my glory!" he cried, "and Hiiragizawa is stuck in limbo!"

From the wings, Nakuru stuck her tongue out at Yue. "Meanie-mo," she said, pouting.

"The Tenth Act of Intertwined is over. Review generously, as always," Yue said, his silver eyes as evil and sinister as ever.

End of Outro

Dreamer: Well, another act wrapped up, folks! What do you think of the introduction of Touya? Something satisfying, or no?

Yue: See dreamer, I am, once-again, the King of the World!

Dreamer: (raises eyebrows)...Right...(cough)like you ever were before(cough).

(Yue wheels away towards an unsuspecting Suppi.)

Dreamer: Anyway...as always, thank you for reading! Oh yeah, MAJOR TWIST next chapter...you'll see. I hope this chapter was satisfactorily long. I'll see you next time.

Kero-chan: Dreamer has commissioned me to give thanks and hugs to everyone who reviewed--**a hopefull dream**, **Ashieyu-chan, Cazzy (aka the Miss Marauders: **Nakuru is a minor character in CCS; she's the false, hyper form of Ruby Moon), **Mystical-Dreamer57, X3Dorky-Candee, Anime Crazed, Airstriker, Hasaki Keissi **(thanks for the feedback; it was appreciated), **Sparkly Faerie. **

Kero-chan: Okay dreamer, now where's my pudding and video game?


	11. Act XI

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer: **Profile Page. Also, I don't own T-Pain's atrocious rap song "I'm In Luv Wit' a Stripper".

**Act XI **

IMPORTANT NOTE: To all Christian extremists and people who just like to start something, this chapter contains a higher level of profanity than usual and some misogynistic bits. Don't take offense. Just to let everyone know, if someone reports me for the objectionable material, don't expect me to re-post.

Intro

_offstage _

Kero-chan tucked heartily into his pudding.

Gobs of viscous chocolate pudding hit Nakuru in the face.

She jumped up, screaming, "KERO! YOU STUPID STUFFED ANIMAL! STOP DOING THAT!"

Kero immediately lifted his head from the pudding and tried to arrange his crude features into a scowl. "Nakuru, you're no better. If I'm a stupid stuffed animal, then you're a hopeless little girl with a crush," he said (Unfortunately, my dear readers, we live in a place called the real world...and in the real world, both of those accusations ring of truth.)

Nakuru's eyes narrowed into slits, and she began chasing Kero around while screaming, "THAT'S NOT TRUE! TOUYA-KUN LUURRRVVESS ME!"

Suppi-chan jumped out of the way as Nakuru and Kero rushed past, Nakuru attempting to scream obscenities, "YOU FOOKER! YOU BIANTCH!"

Dreamer was crossing out and editing an Act as Nakuru and Kero rushed past. She looked up and hollered, "QUIEETTT! BOTH OF Y'ALL RETARDS! OR ELSE I'M A PULL YOUR ALLOWANCE!"

Kero stopped, causing Nakuru to bump astonishedly into him. Both of them looked at dreamer in wonder.

Nakuru put a finger into her mouth. "She raised her voice..."

_onstage_

The audience was nearly roaring with contained laughter.

"Yo yo yo! I'm in luv wit a stripper! He shakin' dat ass on da' flo'! Oh yeah, oh yeah!"

Eriol was currently dancing his heart out onstage, shaking his ass while wearing spandex. He was wearing a satiny, see-through black shirt. A few strands of blue chest hair poked tentatively over the top of his collar. Huge black sunglasses shielded his eyes from the crowd's laughing faces, and several chains hung around his neck. He had a fake tattoo on the back of his neck that said, "Stay away: Major Pimp Alert". Eriol ran off the stage, blowing kisses at the audience members, smiling.

Yue then went onstage to loud and wild applause from the audience. Curiously, several...well, several...female members of the audience seemed to have gone wild and were now stripping off bras and underwear, throwing them at Yue. (Yes, Yue does have some sex appeal and he IS also blessed with a dormant libido. Note: This thought is not the opinion of the author.)

Yue dodged the bras and underwear with a dismissive wave of his hand, trying not to seem too jubilant. He looked down at the stage, blinking as he attempted to see through the filmy silk and the flowery lace.

Eriol had scribbled on the wood the words "Mothafuckin' brotha" with crimson lipstick.

Yue raised a well groomed eyebrow and rolled his eyes dismissively.

Sighing, he fixed his audience with a stony stare, waiting for the audience to quiet down.

After the ravenous females and sullen males had turned their attention completely towards Yue, he cleared his throat and unleashed a bombastic speech.

(But you won't have to suffer through that. So let's get to the important part...)

"...and so, after a regretably long absence, dreamer is back with Act Eleven," Yue said. He exited the stage.

Audible sighs emanated from the audience members after Yue left.

-----

Syaoran inserted the silicone earplugs, stuffing them snugly into the opening of his ear canal.

When Touya's snores had first woken him up at a most ungodly hour, Syaoran had jumped up and called the police. No, it was not due to stupidity that he had mistaken Touya's snores for the sound of a burglar breaking into his home; instead, it was due to genuine fright and understandable human nature. Tomoyo, however, who had wisely taken out her pair of earplugs upon learning of Touya's visit, remained oblivious to the fright that was incapacitating Syaoran.

After the police had charged into Touya's bedroom with nightsticks and pepper spray held high, they had to transfer Touya to the emergency room for shock. And who could blame the poor fellow? Waking up suddenly in the middle of the night surrounded by menacing policemen brandishing long...sticks is quite intimidating for anyone of sane mind, which, fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), Touya was. He let loose a bloodcurdling scream, which sounded vaguely feminine to all ears who heard it. He woke up everyone within a ten foot radius.

After a grueling ordeal, during which Touya was treated with various medicines for his shock, Syaoran, Tomoyo and Touya were finally ejected from the hospital. Touya was in a semi-vegetative state, and Syaoran had ordered a set of silicone earplugs to insure blockage of the noise of Touya's snores. Tomoyo was the only one in her right mind. Unfortunately, she could have passed as one of the Legion of the Undead, as her pale skin accentuated the shadows under her eyes. All she needed was some fake blood, and presto, she was the tailored image of a vampire.

It had indeed been an AWFUL night. Syaoran was only too glad to sleep it off, although it was already 1 PM.

-----

Sakura shifted slightly, uncomfortable in her seat. The cushions were stained with tomato juice, and there was a strong scent of onions in the air. She sniffed, hoping she didn't seem too prissy. She wasn't willing to sit around for a month, jobless. Unfortunately, the other Tokyo companies' CEOs were good friends with Takuchi, and they had all heard about her suspension. As a result, she had been shunned from every corporation she had made contact with. _Oh well_, Sakura thought, staring around the dingy office, _at least the pay is half-decent. _

The manager of the supermarket cast an amused glance at her over the sheaf of papers.

"Let's see...perfectly equipped to handle everything within the letter-typing vicinity, but no credits whatsoever in the managing department. Sniffy demeanor, hint of a metrosexual air," the manager smiled as she glanced at Sakura's puffed out chest and crossed legs, "Prada shoes, expensive designer suit, and...hmm...flashy sunglasses. I'm sorry, but I really do not comprehend why you are seeking for a job, here in a supermarket, when you could have inferiors prostating themselves at your five hundred dollar shoes."

Sakura bristled. "As you can see, I am perfectly qualified to handle the sundry challenges of a supermarket--"

The manager raised an eyebrow and coolly stabbed her cigarette into the ashtray, creating a fizzing sound. Sakura stopped talking.

The manager cupped her chin in her hand and leaned her elbow on her raspberry juice-stained desk.

"Listen to me. I don't think you understand what I am saying to you. Do you honestly think I'm going to hire some corporate jerk to work here at the supermarket? Are you honestly going to make the effort to trim lettuce leaves with your neatly manicured fingernails? Boy, you may be a cutie, but you can't worm your way into every situation with your good looks." The manager leaned back and stared at Sakura, dark eyes smoldering underneath long, straggly bangs green with bleach.

Sakura stared back out of disbelief. "But look, an undergraduate degree at Tokyo University, an internship at Mikayo Corporations--"

The manager slammed her hands down onto the table. "Get out of my office. This place is not for you. Go back to your shiny corporate office."

Dumbfounded Sakura stood up, nearly tripping over the banana peel on the floor. Satisfied, the manager relaxed in her chair, arms behind her head. She closed her black eyeshadow smeared eyes.

-----

Sakura trudged into the apartment. She stared at Syaoran, who was sitting at the table eating pancakes. He had a grumpy expression on his face.

"Hey," she said cautiously, willing to let bygones be bygones. Hoping Syaoran would take the hint, she sat down across from him at the table.

Syaoran glanced up, catching Sakura's gaze.

"Hey," he said, recognizing the look in the chocolate brown eyes.

_Let bygones be bygones. _

Sakura allowed herself a small smile. They both looked pretty down today, and she wasn't in a mood to argue with him.

"So...umm...where's Touya and Tomoyo?"

Syaoran held out his hands, shaking his head while staring at his pancakes.

"Don't say either of their names," he muttered. "But if you really want to know, Tomoyo is feeding lukewarm soup to your obstinate brother. Trust me, you don't want to see that sorry sight."

Sakura felt a slight twinge of sympathy for her violet haired friend. "And what occasion calls for the aforesaid Tomoyo to feed soup to my obstinate brother?"

Syaoran sighed. He stabbed moodily at his wheat flour pancakes. "Well...if you must know..." He stuffed a syrupy piece into his mouth. "This is how it went down..."

-----

Sakura looked disbelievingly at Syaoran.

"He screamed."

Syaoran nodded, rubbing at the circles under his eyes.

"Really."

Syaoran tugged at his pink bathrobe, nodding again.

"For real?"

Syaoran rolled his eyes and cut another piece of pancake.

Sakura sighed. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds.

A most curious noise began to issue from Sakura's voicebox.

Syaoran looked up, wondering whether Sakura was really deranged.

"Sorry," Sakura said, still grinning. "It's just that...the whole affair seems rather funny to me all of a sudden."

"Ahehehehe," Syaoran intoned, mocking Sakura's laugh, "you weren't the one who was kept awake by that insane freak who isn't willing to sip soup right now."

Sakura was feeling bubbly, so she ignored the poorly disguised insult hurled feebly at her brother. "But you must admit it...this is rather...entertaining," Sakura said, giggling still. Then she noticed the pair of earplugs dangling from Syaoran's bathrobe pocket and laughed, seeing their color.

"Hot pink?"

Syaoran blushed. "Hey, the nurses gave it to me. They said it would look becoming against my skin tone."

Sakura shook her head. "Uh-uh honey. Not hot pink. It's too flamboyant."

Syaoran opened his mouth to argue the myriad virtues of hot pink, but he was rudely interrupted by the shrill ringing of a mobile phone.

Sakura quickly whipped the phone from her pocket and opened it.

"Hello?"

"Hello, YaoYao, dear."

Sakura assumed a highly confused expression.

"Erm, hi."

"Bad time, darling?"

Sakura put a hand to her forehead. Did Li have a girlfriend? But no, the voice was too dignified for the type of bimbo Li was bound to date.

"Uh...no, this is fine. Umm...what would you like to tell me?"

"IS this a bad time? Because I could always call back later. Is one of your playthings bothering you, darling?"

Sakura took a wild guess in the dark. "Erm, no, nanny."

An angry cough reached Sakura's ears. "Please stop playing games with me, Xiao Lang. My schedule is as tight as it is already, without your silly foolishness. Come, come, it is your mother, you should stop fooling around. Tell your little girlfriend to stop befuddling your head with her games."

Sakura could have bushwhacked herself on the head with a baseball bat. "Erm, yes, of course, mother. I'll tell"--Sakura searched for a name--"Sarah to stop bothering me."

Syaoran's mother sighed. "A _waiguoren _(foreigner) this time? What happened to the steady staple of willing Orientals?"

"Nothing, mother," Sakura said hastily. "So, what brings you to call me on this fine day?"

"Good news, YaoYao. Do you remember when you first applied for the Chinese National Soccer Team? CNST?"

"Oh, yes!" Sakura mustered all of her acting capabilities to sound as if she remembered.

"Well," Syaoran's mother said, carefully noting her son's false enthusiasm, "their coach has called me recently and said that they are pleased to offer you a position, Xiao Lang. Congratulations!"

Sakura's mouth dropped.

"Xiao Lang?"

"Uhh...does this mean that I'll have to move back to Hong Kong?"

"Oh yes, Xiao Lang. Imagine, the family will be united once more!"

"That is, assuming I accept the position."

There was a slight pause. "Xiao Lang, are you all right? You used to rant to me about the various virtues of the CNST. Now you are second-guessing your original ambition? I think it is a good choice, although I do wish my son would use his brain as well as his body in a job."

_Oh, your son uses body more than brain, I can tell you that_, Sakura thought grimly. However, she said, "Give me some time to think about it, mother. There are many unforeseen ramifications of such a desicion, assuredly. When is my answer due?"

"Two weeks from now," his mother said gaily, "ponder it, Xiao Lang, but take note of the time. Now if you'll excuse me, I must meet with our Clan leaders. Good bye, Xiao Lang."

"Bye. Thanks for the call."

Sakura hung up. She looked across the table, only to find Syaoran staring right at her, emerald eyes bright. She looked over his body, slightly flabbergasted as she noticed that the length of his bathrobe-clad body was stretched across the table.

"What? What, huh? What is it? Huh, huh, huh?" Syaoran asked, not pausing to draw breath (in spite of the commas the playwright added in the sentence).

Sakura pushed a hand in front of her face. "Don't attack me. Anyway, your mom just called to tell you that you've been accepted to the...er...Nesty?"

"Huh?" Syaoran asked, confused.

"Erm...I mean, the National Chinese Soccer Team, I think," Sakura said.

Syaoran let out a loud whoop and jumped off the table, screaming in joy.

Uh, no.

What really happened was this: Syaoran screamed like a lady and rolled awkwardly off the table, crashlanding on the floor. He jumped up from the floor and started to run around the room like a freely liberated gorilla from the zoo, pounding his chest in a display of...er...masculine prowess?

Sakura rested her chin on her hand and rolled her eyes, sighing as she waited for him to settle down.

Syaoran finally flopped down onto the couch and sighed, closing his eyes and sending a prayer to the USG (Ultimate Sex God, for those of us who are not acquainted with the term) for his landfall.

Sakura raised a sardonic eyebrow and inquired, "Calmed down yet?"

Syaoran looked at Sakura. Then, he patted himself on the stomach and his eyes grew large.

"No," he whispered, looking at Sakura. "NOOOO!" he cried, falling hard on his knees.

Sakura smiled. "I should have told you not to celebrate so soon."

Syaoran stared at her.

"As long as I have your body, we will not be going ANYWHERE. I am not going to leave my country for some...harebrained gamble in a foreign country. I can't even speak Mandarin, for crying out loud, much less Cantonese!" Sakura folded her arms. "I'll call your mother right now and tell her our deal is off."

Syaoran had been growing steadily angrier with each word Sakura had said. "Listen," he snapped, "we WILL be going, no matter what you say. I am not going to pass up a chance like that. It will never come again. Do you know how long I've wanted this to happen? It's been my childhood dream--no, passionate desire! Don't look at me like that--" here he stopped, for Sakura was looking at him with an amused expression on her face "--you're not that dispassionate. Don't you have something you like to do too?"

Sakura started, then shrugged diffidently. "Cheerleading. I suppose it was more detrimental than beneficial for my college application."

"Stop getting so prissy," Syaoran snapped. "Don't employ bombastic, multisyllabic words. Like, oh my God. You're just so...frustrating!"

Sakura grinned, coming out of her post job-rejection depression. "You're beginning to sound more and more...feminine, to go with the stereotype. How do you expect me to play? I can't."

"Oh yes you can," said Syaoran with a dangerous glint in his eyes. "You most definitely can play. That's my body, Kinomoto. My muscles have memory. It's just that the brain currently occupying my body is shit."

Sakura fired up. "Excuse me? My brain is shit? Look who's talking! You think only about luring girls into your bed. And you're calling my brain shit?"

"Oh please," Syaoran said, sneering. "You and your feminine pride," he said, snarling, "You and your HONOR! What's wrong with being promiscuous? All the girls were easy, stupid, obsessed with romance, and complete ditzes. What's wrong with bedding them? They're not complaining!"

"You're sick, you know that? You're a such womaninzing bastard! Can't you place yourself in the woman's place? She thinks you're her soulmate, but you crashland her innocence and escape with her thong. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? What wrong is that you're taking advantage of all of them! They might be suckers, but that doesn't give you the right to play with them like that!" Sakura was standing now, banging her hand on the table to emphasize her point.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you're asking me to be chivalrous. Chivalry my ass. I told those girls to expect nothing from me. It was just a good fuck, nothing more. They're fools and bimbos for wanting more than sex."

Sakura narrowed her eyes. "I wasn't asking you to be chivalrous, Li. I just want to treat women as human beings, not as devices to satisfy your conscupience."

Syaoran smirked. "What can I say, Kinomoto? I go through women like water. As far as I'm concerned, there are three types of women. There are the mothers, the ones you'd never dream of banging because they're too homely. Then there are the good girls, the ones you dream of corrupting, the ones who make great girlfriends because of their virginal innocence and upright morality. The ones with a stick up their ass, the ones who are just _so damn respectable..._" Syaoran's eyes glittered. "And finally, there are the girls and women who are stupid in every way possible. They think fucking leads to romance and love, and they're the ones who give blow jobs for free. They're the real sluts, Sakura."

Sakura started. He had used her name for the first time. Then disgust and loathing overwhelmed her. She looked at the figure sitting across from her, looking at the green eyes and pink cheeks. A monster secretly occupied that body.

Abominable.

Sakura turned aside, anger slowly ebbing away to be replaced by complete disgust and disillusion. There was no doubt in her mind as to which category she belonged, knowing Li meant to hurt her with his description of the good girls.

She turned back to him. "You can forget about the soccer team, Li. As far as I am concerned, I will never do something that will give you satisfaction. Ever again."

Syaoran cursed silently. He should have kept quiet. It was time to try the pity pitch. "Listen...Kinomoto, this is genuine, okay? Not tainted by spite or anything else. It's true," he said, fully meeting Sakura's coldly skeptical eyes. "soccer has always been my passion and drive. I feel most like myself whenever I'm playing the game. It's not about winning...it's more about...a sense of fairness and honor. I put a lot of effort into playing soccer, and my efforts are always rewarded. My team plays better, or my personal skill improves. As for honor...all the players have to adhere to a code. You have to play a clean game, without any dirty tricks, or else you'll get taken out of the game. You can only gain through playing soccer," he said, looking almost pleadingly at Sakura.

Sakura folded her arms obstinately. "No," she said, uttering the monosyllabic word that turned the heat up on Syaoran's blood even more.

He narrowed his eyes. "Fuck you," he said. "Get out of my house. NOW!" He took savage pleasure in the fact that she had to obey him.

Sakura gritted her teeth. "It's my apartment. You can't order me out!"

Syaoran laughed. "Oh yes I can, dear," he said mockingly. "I'll call out..._Touya_, as you call him. He won't be too pleased to see the object of his sister's sexual harrassment bouncing around the apartment."

Sakura's eyes filled with hatred (or a close semblance of it). She walked stiffly to the door and wrenched it open, hearing Syaoran's chuckle as she left.

-----

Tomoyo's ear was pressed to the door leading to the living room. She winced slightly as she heard the door slam. _Interesting..._

-----

Outro

Yue stepped out, flaunting his chest.

The audience all moved back as one, shocked at the sight of the bony, pallid chest.

Yue mistook their disgust for poorly disguised admiration. He smiled.

"Until next time, dear aficionados."

End of Outro

-----

Dreamer: Phew, that was more intense than the previous ones! Darker, more raw, and more profane. Don't worry, lighter moments will come up.

Kero: Yup yup yup.

Dreamer: (hits Kero on the head) Shut it, you. Go eat your candy.

(Kero flys off.)

Dreamer: (In response to a review about Sakura's appearance) First of all, lol. Fat implants because she nearly got raped? _OMG_. Priceless. Anyway, personally, I've never liked Sakura or Tomoyo that much. Actually, I don't like ANY female anime protagonists, because they're usually the sickening epitomes of cutesy Mary Sues: always beautiful, always lovable and perfect. Melodrama might stain their lives, but by the way they act, you'd think life is all about food and rainbows. I thought the Japanese would get tired of them, but no, lol. Their sugary sweetness really gets to me, so I decided to "humanize" Sakura by making her less than perfect--aka giving her features a more serious and realistic edge. Tomoyo, on the other hand, gets to remain oh-so-perfect and "untouchable" by men because...well, you tell me why. ;) However, I understand your need for a gorgeous and protagonist. Rest assured, Sakura is far from ugly in this story; she's just not a goddess. Heh. We all hate the Mary Sues, but we love and can't get enough of them at the same time. Call it ironic. Rawr.


	12. Act XII

**Intertwined **

**Disclaimer:** See my lovely profile page.

**AN: **All right, I'm not going to make any excuses. However, I will say that I was ill with a slight case of pneumonia, vacationing in China, attending an SAT program, and busy with regular homework. So basically I haven't updated this thing for a very long time; whatever. I don't have a lot of inspiration for this thing right now, and the added pressure of school is going to cut severely the amount of time I spend on fanfiction. Also, I will be focusing more on my two new stories. Check them out.

**Act XII **

Intro

It was raining backstage.

Crewmembers wore ponchos and Suppi-chan sneezed constantly, while Kero stuffed food down his throat at the rate of 25 chocolate cookies in 15 seconds.

It was, of course, Yue who was causing the storm. He was currently screaming at the top of his lungs, while dreamer was attempting to tame Suppi-chan's fur.

"And you, dreamer!" Yue roared, "How dare you let Eriol announce the 12th act? Have you no idea how much I ADORE the number twelve?"

Dreamer snapped, over the roar of the wind and rain, "If you don't stop this bloody storm right now I'm going to fire you!"

A silence fell over the assembled cast. Suppi, who had been wailing over the state of his now ratty dreadlocks, closed his mouth went wide-eyed with shock.

Dreamer continued in her no-nonsense tone. "That's right, I'm going to fire you if you keep this going. You've been nothing but a pompous liability from the start. And," she said, anticipating Yue's outburst, "I know what you're going to say. You're going to start whining about how Eriol should be fired instead of you. But Eriol's a child, Yue, and you are not. How about acting your age for once?"

Yue said nothing. He merely closed his eyes and folded his wings.

---

_(Back onstage, where the action is…) _

Syaoran ruffled around in the refrigerator. Touya was still out cold, and Tomoyo was still tending to him.

After the disastrous events of the past hour Syaoran thought he deserved a break. Listening to Kinomoto yelling at him was no treat; he rather thought his eardrums would never be the same again.

_Mmm…pickles, _Syaoran thought. Then he looked at the can of cocoa and the jar of Nutella. _Awwwww…but I want some of that too! _

Syaoran pouted, then felt tears welling up in his eyes. _How can I possibly have pickles, cocoa, and Nutella all at once though? This dilemma is killing me…should I ask Tomoyo for advice on this matter? No…she wouldn't understand…no one understands me! I have no friends…nobody likes me…_

To his utter horror, Syaoran felt tears trickling from his eyes and down his cheeks. He became frightened instead of angsty and emo. _Huh? What's going on? Did I just cry over…food? WHAT? The last time I cried was when I was five! What the bloody fuck is going on??? _

Then he looked at the food and felt teary again. (Sniffle sniffle) _How come the world is so unfair? Huh? HUH??? _

Then, in a flash, Syaoran had the most brilliant idea…

---

Ding! The oven timer rang.

Syaoran opened the oven door and checked on his masterpiece.

_Ah…it's finally ready! _Syaoran stared down at the mess he had created with delight.

He picked up the can of cocoa and sprinkled a large amount of the powder onto his dessert/disgusting things.

Syaoran had, with his most inventive and absolutely _brilliant_ mind, created one of the most delicious combinations in the world. By mixing Nutella together with pickle juice, solid pickle, and blue cheese, Syaoran had, arguably, introduced a new evil into the world. (The playwright congratulates anyone who can look at such a creation without vomiting.)

Syaoran picked up a Nutella-pickle-blue-cheese-cocoa-powder cookie and bit into it.

One bite and Syaoran was in heaven; it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. He devoured five cookies in less than a minute and decided he wanted more.

This time he finished five cookies in less than half a minute.

Although the cookies were the best things he had ever tasted, Syaoran decided to share the wealth. Of course, he wanted most of the cookies for himself and was ready to fight for them, but it wouldn't hurt to share one with Tomoyo and Touya…

---

Tomoyo yawned. Touya had finally finished the soup and was sleeping peacefully. Tomoyo took one look at his face and was convinced he no longer needed her.

She tiptoed out into the hall and closed the door quietly. Then she braced herself for the inevitable confrontation ahead…

---

Syaoran was still staring at the cookies and wondering whether he should give more than a crumb to Tomoyo when she suddenly opened the door.

"Hello, Tomoyo!" Syaoran said brightly. "I was just wondering where you had gotten to. I wondered whether you would want to eat one of these things…" He pointed at one of the cookies.

Tomoyo stared and prevented, just in time, her eyes from popping out.

One of the most disgusting things she had ever seen was lying on the table. No, there was more than one disgusting thing, there were more than five disgusting things on the table. The disgusting thing was brown and covered with a light blue/white moldy thing. Brown powder dusted the top of the thing, and light greenish gray things were poking out of the brown mess.

"Uhh…" Tomoyo was at a lost of words, most uncharacteristic of her.

Syaoran beamed. "I know, aren't they just absolute gems? They're nothing compared to you, of course, but they're still beautiful. Would you like to try one?"

"Umm…no, thanks," Tomoyo was horrified. The disgusting things were actually meant to be eaten?

Syaoran beamed even more. "I knew you would be nice and not eat any, Tomoyo. But still, I saved ten of these for you. Originally I baked thirty and was intending to eat them all, but I decided to be generous. Come on, Tomoyo, eat them…they're really good!"

Tomoyo backed away. She could not even look for long at the disgusting things, much less eat one of them.

"Ehhh…" Tomoyo sweatdropped when she saw Syaoran's eyes being glazed by a layer of tears.

(sniff sniff) "Are you trying to say you don't want to eat them because I baked them? Do you…do you not like me? (sniff sniff) I can't believe this…I have no friends! Nobody likes me! I hate being a woman!" Syaoran was about to sob when Tomoyo quickly intervened.

"What are you talking about, Sya-Sakura, I would LOVE to eat one of these!" Tomoyo quickly grabbed one and gobbled it up.

Syaoran smiled through his tears. "Well, Tomoyo it's fantastic, isn't it?"

Tomoyo smiled thinly. "Yesh, ish grea…" She quickly backed away from Syaoran and ran towards the bathroom.

"Hehe…" Syaoran smiled. She was probably going to tell Touya about his marvelous invention…

---

Syaoran stared, astonished.

There was a huge dark patch forming on the seat of his pants. It looked horribly red, like blood—no, Syaoran thought, don't be ridiculous.

He went to the bathroom and closed his eyes, pulling his pants off and sitting on the toilet.

He looked down and screamed silently.

The bottom of his pants were, indeed, wet with blood…

The blood drained from Syaoran's face. He was going to die…

---

After leaving a note for Tomoyo and stuffing the seat of his pants full of toilet paper, he quickly left the apartment and began walking to the bus station. There was a light drizzle. Syaoran waddled quickly towards the station, feeling more of the blood trickled into his toilet paper stuffed pants.

He waddled into the bus shelter, wiping water from his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Oblivious to the stares of the people around him, Syaoran leaned against the wall of the shelter.

"Mommy…" a little girl said, pulling on her mom's sleeve, "why does that girl have really fatty legs and a really skinny body?"

There were snickers of amusement all around. The girl's mother coughed, and said, "Well, dear, I don't really know."

Syaoran rolled his eyes at this exchange. _I'm about to die, little girl, and all you can do is criticize my fat? Besides, my legs aren't fat, they're just stuffed with toilet paper… _

Then the bus came rolling along, and the people began to get on. Syaoran groaned when he looked at the crowded bus.

---

After having his fat, toilet paper butt poked, prodded, and pinched by several men and a few women, Syaoran was raging mad when he got to his old apartment. In case they didn't know, he was going to _die…_

He rang the doorbell a few times, hoping Kinomoto would get the message and hurry up…

"All right, all right, I'm coming…" he heard her grumble vaguely.

He caught one glimpse of Kinomoto's shocked face when the door opened, and then it quickly slammed.

Syaoran groaned again. "Listen, Kinomoto, this is a life or death matter. Your body is dying, and I have to switch out. Right away!"

No reply.

Syaoran stamped his foot, then felt tears coming to his eyes. "Kinomoto," he said, voice cracking and eyes becoming wet, "I am going to die. If this happens, then you die as well."

After what seemed like a long time, the door opened.

Syaoran stared at Kinomoto.

"Come in," she said tonelessly.

---

"Now, Li," she said, sitting down across from him in an armchair, "perhaps you should try some anti-depressants if you're feeling suicidal—"

Syaoran sat up sharply. "I am not suicidal! Listen, you're dying! Your body is dying! There's freakin…blood leaking from your…butt!"

Sakura sat up immediately. "WHAT?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"You heard me," Syaoran snapped, "your butt is leaking blood!"

Sakura gasped.

She ran to the wall and began hitting herself on the head, saying, "No. NO. NOOO!!!"

"Yeah, I know! I'm about to die…" Syaoran began sniffling again.

Sakura gritted her teeth.

"You're not dying, you idiot."

Syaoran stopped sniffling.

"You're just having your period."

---

Yue was still hunched despondently backstage, not caring that Eriol had delivered the outro with audiences laughing uproariously.

---


End file.
